Back from station, however jolly nuisance whole assignment. Arrived in plenty of time for 10 o'clock arrival and sat on station reading newspaper. 10 o'clock train came and went with no sign of Mrs Payne. Had inadvisedly left mobile phone at home, and with no way of contacting other half was stuck waiting. Most displeased about this but settled down to reading more of newspaper, getting fearfully cold in doing so.
Some time after was disturbed by station master saying please could I
vacate platform as there was an unattended bag on platform and he had
called for bomb disposal. Said I had been on platform for nearly 45
minutes and seen barely a soul. Quite aware of previous brush with
law enforcement considered it best to stay out of incident, but legs
were getting considerably cold so folded newspaper and asked to
inspect said item. Station master, clearly at wits' end said
"if you want to sign yer own death warrant, be my guest", at which,
pointed to bag towards end of platform, previously unseen to me.
Considering now, plan perhaps slightly rash, but decided then to approach
bag, however upon getting within explosive distance
identified bag as a large suitcase on its side. Waved to station
master to advise all as quite well, at which he yelped somewhat and
ran into station master's office.
Continuing closer saw initials "E. F. P" in gold lettering on suitcase, presumed
this Elizabeth Fiona Payne, or "Bitty" to her friends (upon advice
from other half I always call her Mrs Payne). Quite sure on safety of
item, now saw likely event that Mrs Payne's bag managed to embark
train, but its owner did not. Train guard presumably chucked suitcase
at its correct station.
Fearfully annoyed by having to wait until 11.15 for next train,
righted suitcase and began dragging it back to where I had sat.
Decided best to knock on station master's door as was concerned his
nerves couldn't take stress. Door promptly opened and man seemingly
drained of all blood asked about bag. Said all was well and I could
identify it. Reply from station master was that it was too late now,
bomb disposal had been called! Thought this most irrational and
suggested perhaps call should be withdrawn. This strategy attempted,
however most unsuccessfully. Station master now regaining some colour
relayed no one answering.
Some time passed with station master pacing anxiously while I
continued reading paper. At 11.15 stood up awaiting train, however
after 5 minutes waiting station master's
phone rang, to be told train stopped outside station on account of
bomb threat. Correction as to information not good enough, station
master was told the "go" signal had to be provided by Head of
Operation, that being bomb disposal sergeant. This quite rekindled
station master's anxiety, went on to accuse me of public nuisance for
not collecting bag sooner.
Another 10 minutes passed and at 11.30 both bomb disposal team and
local police arrived. Unfortunately Sergeant Brooks was in attendance
and seeing me immediately asked,
"What have you been doing this time, Sherlock?". Thought this height
Defence having been prepared in advance while station master was
pacing, informed sergeants that was waiting for mother-in-law, who
irresponsibly let suitcase on train without herself, and I was merely
innocent party retrieving suitcase, which had told station master at
Sergeants partly happy with this explanation, asked if they could
inspect suitcase to be sure nothing untoward. Replied they were quite
welcome. Train arrived while this in operation, with Mrs Payne
disembarking as sergeants rummaged through suitcase, including
inspection of various clothing, profound quantities of medicines, 6
cans of tinned mince, a quantity of tea bags (still in tea chest),
and a well thumbed copy of "Prima". Mrs Payne outraged at this
infringement on her liberty, and proceeded to tell sergeants the same.
Managed to steer her away from officials and made our escape, leaving
station master to fend off sergeants' displeasure.
Made our way home after three hour debacle. Mrs Payne now unpacking
clothes and no doubt numerous kitchen items whilst I attempt to catch