Back from getting Christmas tree, positively frozen to the bone. Went to local garden centre with Mrs Payne, with duties adequately divided into me getting tree and Mrs Payne getting new decorations. Quite happy with this arrangement, Mrs Payne took a large trolley and tottered off, leaving me to the tree.
After some searching indoors, could not see a single branch of a live tree, and beautiful plastic trees strictly forbidden by other half. Asked disinterested shop assistant dressed as elf where trees might be found, who vacantly pointed in direction of outdoor area. Weather having got much worse throughout day, looked out of sliding doors to see winter scene the likes would give an Inuit the willies. Buttoning coat up fully, proceeded to slide door and venture into the frozen abyss. By this point some degree of hail was falling, but mind set to getting live tree for other half, forged on to area with trees haphazardly strewn on ground.
Gloves quickly soaked through with endless holding up tree, getting an idea of symmetry, and casting tree aside in seek of another, and nerves getting more frayed in process. Finally, fingers numb and in fearfully bad mood, found the perfect tree, beautiful in size and symmetry, and doing best to shake off considerable quantity of sleet, large degree of which transferring itself to my clothes, dragged tree to pay point and went in seek of Mrs Payne.
Having quite jolly time, Mrs Payne had clearly finished shopping and with trolley positively full to the brim with decorations, was talking to elf, now most animated. Mrs Payne's jollity continued as I approached, causing a shrill laugh and response that I looked "like a grumpy snowman!". At this point saw a live tree nestling warmly in a corner and highly annoyed at being out in cold demanded answers on why this had not been pointed out to me. Abrupt response was that tree had been reserved, and next time perhaps I should do the same, thank you very much.
Have made one or two investments in my time in stock market, but clearly know my wrongdoings in not investing in Christmas tree growers. Cost of tree quite frightening, but admittedly less so compared to the 250 pounds that Mrs Payne had accrued in decorations. Begrudgingly paid elf and went out to car, with helpful elf having thrown tree down beside, now quite coated in more hail. Shaking the thing off, managed to get tree into car, although goodness knows how, as tree quite larger than had first realised. Mrs Payne distinctly unhappy being squashed into rear seat, and further less so when countless bags of decorations on board also.
Both in fearfully bad moods upon getting home, and after towelling off tree as best as possible and cramming precariously in terribly bad designed based left Mrs Payne to over half a dozen bags of decorations. Now regaining some warmth with tea before getting back to work.