House now in height of jollity on account of yesterday afternoon's purchases.
Dashed downstairs as I saw other half arriving home to greet her with surprise of Christmas tree. Bound to say was highly surprised myself with the tree. Mrs Payne, not being particularly tall woman had focused a great deal on lower portions of tree, adorning it in great density with the gaudiest decorations I have ever seen. Even withstanding profound weight of decorations, it was quite clear that tree was shockingly asymmetric and had a fair degree of lean. Tilting head to compensate quickly gave degree of sea sickness. In decorations, however, clearly proud of her work, Mrs Payne was asleep in my armchair (claimed as her own since arriving), with an empty sherry glass nearby.
Barely had time to consider my mistake in not scrutinising decorations before other half came in through door, and in doing so both other half and I shouted "Surprise!", before in unison then exclaiming "Oh, God!".
Starting first, I thanked my darling for buying us a tree, now standing in our porch, it was a very nice thought. Said it must have been awfully cold for her picking a tree and she must have been terribly brave to do so. Replied not a bit of it, had ordered it beforehand, and tree stored indoors, quite dry, for collection. Too furious to make reply to this.
Other half not so gracious, declared decorated tree as "like Father Christmas had been sick it on", to which I added that if he looked at it for any considerable time, he probably would. At this, Mrs Payne awoke from slumber, sleepily exclaimed "Surprise!" with biggest look of pride on her face at handiwork. Quite unable to continue being downbeat, other half and I burst out laughing and had a very merry evening following Mrs Payne's example with sherry.
Unfortunately this morning have been left to deal with additional tree, still standing in porch. Quite careful on account of clock incident, had checked garden centre declaration that "All Christmas tree sales are final". Will give this some thought whilst working.