Took Mrs Payne into town such that we can acquire respective Christmas presents. Quite unwilling to totter around, made arrangements to jettison Mrs Payne to indoor shopping area whilst I stalked around town getting some proper shopping done. Mrs Payne quite happy with this as seating was plentiful, along with a number of shops for Christmas cards and so on.
Having freed myself, walked straight to clothes shop where I know other half likes to go and set about perusing dresses. This significantly more difficult than first thought, with great deal of alternatives spread about the shop and no concise ability of comparing and contrasting. Spent some considerable time looking at one or two dresses from arms' length, rather like a scholar looking for meaning in a painting. Deciding dresses had altogether no merit, artist or otherwise, left them where they were. At this, young shop assistant, appeared from nowhere, stating in no uncertain terms that if I was looking at dresses could I please put them back "where they bloody go", with some considerable emphasis. Immediately several female shoppers looked around, and in fearfully embarrassed state, had to carefully return two dresses to their correct locations. Much aggravated at this, promptly left shop.
Headed for department store hoping to find dress there. Profoundly aware of previous run-in, was awfully careful with dresses this time, deciding much safer to look at dresses where they hung. Must have been staring for several moments, as shop assistant appeared and gave me quite a start. Apologising, assistant was most cordial and asked if I was buying Christmas gift. Said yes I was, and was then helped along with process. Found dress other half would look most delightful in. Attempt to pay rivalled finding dress in difficulty, with queue like morose conga line. Stood carefully holding dress as not to damage it for some considerable time. Finally got to cashier, at which point mcuh distressed to find Horseface appeared behind me, clearly in much jollity, saying,
"I say Robert, quite your colour! Not sure it'll fit though!"
At this cashier gave small titter, and forced to feign politeness, had to address Horseface whilst continuing to pay for item and escape forthwith.
Appears am quite unable to escape Horseface, as stalking back to find Mrs Payne, Horseface said she would tag along. Thought this most unreasonable, but seeing as dress had been purchased held back objection.
Followed some considerable walk in attempt to find Mrs Payne, with not a glimpse of her forthcoming. Horseface thought this most amusing, called it "Hunt the Payne", but quickly withered, said she was going to get a coffee, and disappeared. Getting ever more furious at prolonged time in town, systematically went from shop to shop and back, twice, as well as frequented all seating areas, mostly stuffed full of the elderly making jokes at my expense. In the end admitted defeat, chalked situation up as second time had lost Mrs Payne.
Made way to see if Horseface was still in coffee shop as considerably hungry due to not having had a single morsel since breakfast Most angry to find Horseface waving in my direction from seat in window, mouthing "Cooeee" with who sat opposite her, but Mrs Payne. Entering shop making some considerable objection to this turn of events, but Mrs Payne quite disinterested, apparently was most pleased to see Horseface. Thankfully no mention came as to Mrs Payne's cake and set about getting myself coffee. Horseface and Mrs Payne echoed they would like another too, so ended up spending over 10 pounds on coffee and cake, with Mrs Payne appearing quite deaf when mentioned about her diet.
More recuperated, steered Mrs Payne carefully towards car such that we could go home without me losing her again.