In jolliest of moods Friday afternoon having set up coffee machine and awaited relaxing evening with some joy.
Proceeded to reread Dominoes for Children, although was awfully simplistic in its analyses. Stashed book under armchair cushion (now reclaimed from Mrs Payne) as other half came home and greeted her saying how nice it was to see my darling. Response of,
"What is this, bally Starbucks?" not altogether reciprocating, and look of distinct disapproval in direction of coffee machine, set up in lounge in place of record player long since departed, rather unnerving. Explained position of coffee maker awfully convenient with regards to dinner guests, and really positively nowhere else to put it due to size. Other half most disinterested with regards to size, said it was a jolly silly purchase and went to have a bath.
Horseface and boss arrived some time later as other half and I were making a start to bottle of wine, dinner cooking under its own supervision. Invited them in and received quite some laughter with regards to coffee machine.
"We'll have a large latte and a cappuccino" comment most unnecessary from Horseface, and moreso addition from boss,
"I say, do you sell muffins too?".
Other half looked on, most displeased.
All commented over dinner as to lack of Mrs Payne, and Horseface and boss most polite as to her failings. Said I was quite glad to have a bit of peace. Other half took some exception to this, but admitted it was rather difficult with her mother.
Dominoes came out after dinner and all stacked their 20 pence pieces but before we could start other half said she heard a noise from the garden. Awfully concerned with previous brush-in with burglar all went into kitchen to peer carefully through blinds. Four pair of eyes appeared through the slats, but could see nothing in the pitch black.
Said immediately we should call police, but boss replied "nonsense" and going to back door added,
"All the same, if I shout, probably best to ring the police".
The rest of us peered out of the door waiting for a scuffle but after some time heard nothing. Boss came bounding back and whispered he thought someone in the shed, as some noise coming from inside, and padlock quite unlatched. Said in any case as burglar had left padlock hanging on door, he had quickly fastened it tight and come back for reinforcements.
Said it was jolly well time to ring the police, and did so, quite shaking with nerves of burglar locked in own shed. Was informed police would be around soon, and trying to calm our nerves each had a drink and started game of dominoes.
Barely got rid of two tiles before knock came at door as well as blue flashing lights through curtains. Quite thankful to see Sergeant Brooks, rather less so when he referred to me as "Sherlock" again. Others thought this quite hilarious, presumed this mostly owing to wine.
Sergeant and I stalked around to garden and following some stern words from Sergeant to shed captive, asked for key to the padlock. I felt under plant pot to find key quite missing. Apologised most earnestly, said was unable to open padlock.
Sergeant took this in his stride, asked if I had any bolt cutters. Said yes I did, they were in the shed. This taken altogether less well, and after some discussion as to what tools I had in the shed, went to get screwdriver from police car.
After some considerable minutes stood out in cold, finally managed to unscrew padlock bracket and hinges to loose door from its position. Sergeant added some stern words as he did so and stood in doorway such that no one could escape. Shining his torch in heard unmistakable quiver of Mrs Payne.
Too furious about this to continue now, so will write later.