Friday, 27 January 2012

Day 80

Breakfast positively unbearable this morning on account of mood of other half and Mrs Payne.  Found both to be in most bad temper, and quite unable to stand it any longer, went into lounge to make coffee.  This proved altogether too difficult, and had to then endure Mrs Payne making my coffee in most aggravated manner, even calling it "bally contraption" during process.  Coffee awful.

Was in quite jolly mood last night and having made the best of fathoming how to play with new rules eagerly awaiting evening with boss and Horseface and chance to show off what I had learned.

Boss and Horseface arrived early evening having eaten, and settled down for drink before play, Mrs Payne being absent on account of bathing.  Discussion soon got to rules with other half bringing up misunderstanding.  I owned that would rather play existing rules, at which other half jumped in explaining I had been practicing.  Horseface made quite point of saying they hadn't been practicing a jot, about as likely as as horse with no neigh.

Conversation turned to small talk, during which was horrified to learn that Horseface had purchased from same art shop as Mrs Payne two similar looking paintings in afternoon for 200 pounds a piece, quite delighted with them.  Boss bound to say was positively far from delighted with them, price positively "daylight robbery".  Other half apparently oblivious entirely to this coincidence.

All too shocked to break this news and let conversation change topic whilst reeling as this news.  Surely within all reason Mrs Payne had not sold her paintings, and certainly not for 200 pounds each!

Dominoes soon started, with boss and Horseface having jolly time whilst discarding tiles at awfully quick rate and other half and I altogether slow to keep up.  First game ended quickly with Horseface as the winner, much annoyed at this and furious at repeated comment that she "hadn't practiced a jot!".

Mrs Payne tottered in and I decided after terrible game that was time for sherry, with all partaking.  Used this time to gather thoughts with dominoes, and set steely determination with regards to play.  Would focus awfully while other chatted idly and was sure persistence won through.  Was already down 20 pence and was jolly well intending to win it back.

Game after game came and went, and grew ever more furious with losing 20 pence every round, although thankfully saved from Horseface's self-flattery that she hadn't practiced, largely by other half winning every single game.  Horseface, boss and I shocked entirely by this luck, and said as much.  Comments brushed aside in jolliest of fashion as no such thing luck, but was shrewdest of skill.

Had agreed to play seven games, which by manner of losing took positively forever, and by the end other half had quantity of coins capable of supporting sherry glass.  All congratulated other half on her success, although quietly furious at doing so badly myself.  Mrs Payne thought this height of amusement, said perhaps I should try another hobby, though probably not painting on account of appraisal of her work, really quite off the mark from a professional point of view.

Comment about painting struck Horseface, who mentioned buying her pieces again.  At this, boss made quite point of saying how ghastly they looked with all laughing in response.  Sat quietly for this as boss layered ever more destructive criticism to pieces, first as, "not fit for the lavatory", to, "a lesson to us all that anyone can do anything, as long as one doesn't mind a revolting result", and finally, "painting by numbers for the mentally ill".  Boss, other half and Mrs Payne oblivious to source of paintings all falling about in raucous laughter at this, with only Horseface displeased at her purchases and me the horrifying truth.

Offered another sherry, as quite needed one myself, and shocked during pouring to find boss continue in discourse about painting, adding that one of the "worst art-rocities he had seen" (all thought this terribly clever), and one even had a palm mark!  Boss added, to think the nerve of someone daring to sell the piece, really his wife should have known better. All now laughing, even Horseface at this scathing put down, but Mrs Payne promptly stopped her laughter, exclaiming,
"I say, sorry?".

Mrs Payne, evidently in moment of seriousness, silenced room immediately, with only minor giggles continuing, and boss carefully explained one painting had palm mark in bottom right corner, and was all too funny really.  Look of shock and displeasure appeared on Mrs Payne's face, and after some trembling moments of silence, blurted,
"Those are my paintings!".

Boss instantly taken back by this, paused some moments, and added slowly,
"I say, terribly sorry.  Really weren't as bad as all that, just playing up for laughs, you know?".

By way of defending her work, Mrs Payne still trembling said she had put a lot of time into the pieces, and further were worth every penny on canvas and paint alone.  Quite taken back with this, thought it only fair to add,
"Not sure you can count my emulsion there, Mrs Payne", with boss responding, "I say, emulsion!".  This taken altogether badly by Horseface, Mrs Payne and other half.

Mrs Payne ended saying she wouldn't consider having the pieces with them, and she would gladly have the pieces back and return the price paid.  Horseface added weakly that she thought the paintings jolly nice, really.  At this Mrs Payne wished the party goodnight and stormed upstairs as fast as she could totter.

Four of us left in silence for some moments, eventually decided probably best to call it an evening.  In leaving thought it best to ask should I see about picking up paintings?  Boss said he would drop them off this morning, an altogether frightful experience later.

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