Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Day 103 - lunch

Most annoyed mid-morning on coming downstairs for tea to find boss sat having jolly conversation with Mrs Payne.  Said I hadn't heard door bell, at which Mrs Payne said was terribly sorry, had called upstairs.  Presumed call rather like door mouse.

Boss said was having good conversation with "Bitty" and anyway, was getting frightfully good information, and would have to consider quite seriously putting on payroll.  At this went on to ask Mrs Payne regards being my boss.  Replied she wouldn't think of it, would have to fire me immediately.  Boss thought this hilarious.

Received very exciting news regards poster, that being was now being considered for newspaper run of several days!  Have rarely had designs in national press and awfully disparaged that design not altogether to boss' liking.  Said could I rework it.  At this Mrs Payne proceeded to tell boss he needed to breath while looking at it.  Boss replied was certain she was right.  Most ridiculous.

Day 103

Bound to say poster design going awfully well and showed some examples to other half and Mrs Payne over dinner last night.  Opinions most unwelcome however and altogether off mark with regards to the layout.

Explained as to empty spaces giving layout room to breath.  Other half said looked like it was half finished.  Mrs Payne inhaled deeply.  Said it didn't help.

Explained at breakfast that boss was coming over again, and this most excited Mrs Payne.  Said she had jolly nice conversation last time and hoped she wouldn't be left in kitchen.  Replied we had jolly serious business with poster and could not be spending time on idle chit-chat.  Received rather curious response that Mrs Payne had "business" to discuss also.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Day 102 - lunch

Most annoyed returning from newspaper shop to be altogether lacking possession on today's newspaper.

Going to shop mid-morning was awfully polite regards newspaper being wrong day.  Asked would it be at all possible to receive today's newspaper, was promptly told certainly not, newspaper sold out.  Most annoyed at this, as well as suggestion could have tabloid as alternative.  Query as to what kind of newspaper shop did not have today's newspaper not altogether taken well, and made mistake of adding as further note that newspaper provided yesterday, was from last week.  This shop owner took as me being "trouble maker", although wholly unsurprised to hear they "get a lot".

Comment that I presumably wanted tomorrow's newspaper today too dismissed as ridiculous, and further with that attitude certainly did not want tomorrow's newspaper, and as such could cancel subscription.  Indignantly left shop and heard on way out comment,
"It's always Times readers!".

Mrs Payne most displeased to hear newspaper had been stopped.  Asked what she was supposed to do regards crossword.  Said I didn't have faintest idea.

Most annoyed some time later to find Mrs Payne carefully dabbing my white correction fluid onto each tiny square of old crosswords.  Said was rather using lot of correction fluid, and further, had dabbed over clue numbers.  Replied that was fine as could remember most of words anyway.

Day 102

Newspaper arrived this morning on schedule, however altogether furious in any case.  Went to have words with paper boy when newspaper pushed through letter box, however by time had got to door found not a sign of him.  Picked up newspaper and most furious to see date of yesterday.

Explained this to Mrs Payne and other half, thought this most amusing.  Said it was because of leap year.  Mrs Payne altogether pleased as newspaper, although old, had unseen crossword, and hence all was well.  Asked if I wanted it in any case, or would prefer cereal box?  Said would read newspaper thank you all the same.

Will have to go to newspaper shop again today to retrieve correctly dated newspaper, most annoyed about this.

Monday, 27 February 2012

Day 101 - lunch

Went out mid-morning on account of complaint about lack of paper.  Woman in shop most apologetic, said paper boy awfully forgetful at times.  Suggested this not most useful trait in paper boy.  Said she agreed.  In any event, could certainly make a proper complaint, promptly shouted "David!" into rear of shop.  Said I'd like to jolly well box David's ears on account of trouble.

David altogether displeased to hear about boxing of ears.  Said he had not owned newspaper shop for 30 years to have ears boxed by customer.  Explained certainly meant paper boy not him.  Also displeased to hear wanted to box ears of his son.

Following number of words about politeness presently gave me newspaper in person, and headed home.  Will be fearfully careful about complaining next time.

Most annoyed to get home and find boss already arrived.  Seemed to be having most jolly time with Mrs Payne and said she had explained I had "shirked off like usual".  Gave her fearful glare.  Laughed in response.  Boss said further that he had most interesting talk with Mrs Payne, and would have to come around more often.

Gave Mrs Payne newspaper by way of distraction and finally got to talking about work project, a poster design for local business.  Had barely a minute before Mrs Payne returned with newspaper saying was terribly sorry to interrupt, but did I know paper was from last week?  We already had one, and had I not checked date?  Furious about this, said no I had not.  Mrs Payne most disappointed.  Said she would do the crossword anyway.

Day 101

Most annoyed this morning that newspaper altogether absent from delivery.  Have had displeased words on number of occasions with paper boy as to timeliness of appearance, but this time has not turned up at all.

Mrs Payne offered her magazine, said it was terribly interesting.  Said it was awfully kind of her, but would rather read cereal packet than magazine whose cover story read,

"My Husband is a Werewolf".

Was told this story highly factual and of utmost credibility.

Sighed as Mrs Payne carefully read cereal packet.  Said she didn't see what all the fuss was about.

In any event now have inconvenience of trip to newspaper shop to complain about lack of newspaper.  This most annoying as boss is coming around this morning.  All the same, certainly have time before boss arrives, and will look like I've been dutifully working all morning.

Friday, 24 February 2012

Day 100 - lunch

Took Mrs Payne to doctor's surgery this morning.  Upon other half's request had to take Mrs Payne in also, most laborious as even slower walking than usual.

Mrs Payne looked awfully worried about surgery, and reassured her most insistently that would not be chopping toe off, most likely just nail.  Regardless, looked rather pale as went into the little room, and had unfortunate job of trying to get Mrs Payne onto bed, a task rather like pushing hippo onto a shopping trolley.

Propped precariously on bed Mrs Payne most anxious that I stayed and bound to say was awfully shocked with surgery going rather badly, and some injury sustained.  Doctor ever so good in bedside manner, and explained would only be very minor.  Mrs Payne quivered profoundly all the same, and in evident fear, as soon as doctor laid hands on foot Mrs Payne's leg jerked up, savagely kicking doctor squarely in jaw.  Doctor dazed by this, and had rather panic myself as to if he was going to faint.  Mrs Payne apologised profusely at this, declaring rather a knee jerk reaction.  Coming around and bedside manner rather more furious, apology altogether unappreciated by doctor, queried in most annoyance how she could get knee jerk reaction in foot?

Some further attempts at surgery occurred, but altogether unsuccessful.  Doctor eventually gave up saying had never seen someone so lacking in control of own appendages.  Mrs Payne most put out by this, said she had "quite perfect appendables".

Taking Mrs Payne to car had unfortunate luck to run into Miss Broom, with some hope in direction of AA meeting.  Mrs Payne most furious regards her stolen mug, and following some cross words on mug being returned, Miss Broom stalked off.  Attempted to steer Mrs Payne home, however quite unwilling to leave matter at this, set off in hot pursuit, uttering, "Oof!  Oof!  Oof!  Oof!", as fast as could totter.  Mrs Payne evidently on top of matter, so I promptly sat down on nearby bench.

Never did get the mug back.

Day 100

Had fearful afternoon yesterday and altogether anxious about it still.

Came downstairs mid-afternoon for tea saw not a sign of Mrs Payne, and found Miss Broom the cleaner in kitchen.  Made tea and asked if she would like one.  Replied that she already had one, holding up mug.  Said I was awfully surprised Mrs Payne had her tea, and further, where was she?  At this seeming rather annoyed Miss Broom said she was in downstairs toilet, and would she be long, as was waiting to clean it.  Said I didn't have faintest idea, but could offer biscuit in meantime.  In this regard opened biscuit tin and again found it missing best biscuits, leaving awful plain ones.  Ashamedly offered these, bluntly turned down as not liking them.  Took one myself by means of consolation.  Nibbled in despondently.

Returning upstairs to office found fresh drip on good sherry bottle in lounge.  Most annoyed about this, assumed Mrs Payne must have had sneaky glass, but looking at bottle saw quantity missing.

Knocked on downstairs toilet and asked if Mrs Payne was alright.  Received nonchalant response in positive, followed by "oof!" on account of toe.  Assumed this in order, went back to office.

Shocked some time later to hear some loud and awfully cross words coming from downstairs, followed by scream from Mrs Payne.  Rushed downstairs to find both Mrs Payne and Miss Broom in downstairs toilet, and quite some argument ensuing.  Stepped in to calm situation and found Mrs Payne accusing Miss Broom of walking in on her in toilet.  This affirmed by Miss Broom as quite necessary due to time taken in bathroom and "not having all day".  Mrs Payne vigorously defended this saying she was doing crossword.  Miss Broom absolutely outraged, said at awful volume it was "a toilet not a bloody library".  Mrs Payne almost beetroot with rage and shaking to calm herself said slowly that her poor toe had been stood on viciously by Miss Broom and measures would have to be taken.

Stopped Miss Broom before another verbal onslaught and suggested we move into lounge, as toilet quite unfit for discussion.  At this Miss Broom proceeded to barge through door, again standing on Mrs Payne's toe.  This resulted in scream of prodigious volume down my ear, and Mrs Payne in fearful rage proceed to push Miss Broom, resulting in awful tussle.  Separated the ladies at which Miss Broom loosed her mug and splashed quantity of red liquid all over my white shirt.  Realised in an instant this was my best sherry.

This proved altogether too much, and in fearful act of confidence said Miss Broom hereby sacked, and would she be so kind as to leave.  This taken rather badly, called Mrs Payne an "old bag", proceed to splash remainder of sherry over my shirt and stormed out, mug still in hand.

Door slammed with Mrs Payne and I left in stunned silence.  Mrs Payne hobbling to sit down uttered quietly, "thank you, Robert", and sat down with a little "oof!".

Replied it was quite alright, and further, that was her mug.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Day 99 - lunch

Had fearful row with Miss Broom when she arrived.  Produced laundry list of problems and had only got to item 1 before she declared it a "bloody liberty" and stormed into kitchen  To make matters worse, said later that if we wanted bathroom cleaning would have to move various items out of way beforehand, and could not be expected to clean around them.  Considered this distinctly rough but thought better of further disagreement and carefully moved bottles and suchlike onto window ledge.

Annoyed as Miss Broom altogether civil to Mrs Payne, and further referred to our disagreement as,
"The Master here expects me to be a common skivvy".  Thought this highly unreasonable, and more so Mrs Payne's comment as to treating her "like a slave".  Had a number of cross words with Mrs Payne later on making united stance.  Replied she had.

Put various items back in bathroom and realised window ledge now rather unclean itself.  Quite unwilling to ask Miss Broom to do this, resorted to cleaning it myself, quite furious at this.

Day 99

Mrs Payne still in agony with toe this morning. Hobbling about awfully and uttering "oof!" at any opportunity.  Said to other half over breakfast we should put her down.  Told this was terribly thing to say.  Apparently taking her to animal rescue no better.

Advice given by doctor that she should not put weight on it.  Said this very wise advice, and thankfully something she had been doing for positively decades.  This quickly dismissed as Mrs Payne rather active for her age.  Said quite right, difficult to be active in coffin.

Fearfully worried about conversation with Miss Broom later.  Have list of issues and certain she won't take well to them.  Said to other half might be better to leave complaints unmentioned in interim.  Told this nonsense, and was I man or mouse.  Said if she had crossed words with Miss Broom she would be asking for cheese too.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Day 98 - lunch

Thought would treat myself to biscuit for mid-morning tea and astonished to find biscuit tin entirely empty.  Asked Mrs Payne about this, as biscuits last seen being handed out to hired help.  Replied had not in slightest seen biscuits, and had only one herself.  Took decided pinch of salt with this, said if Mrs Payne's hand spent any more time in biscuit tin she would rust.

Most displeased by this, and further had fearful row with other half last night as to why bathroom items altogether rearranged, and had I not given instructions on what to do.  Said yes I had, and further could not be held responsible for every single item cleaner touched.  Mrs Payne aggrieved also, said pair of "underthings" had been stuffed in wardrobe.  Reply they had probably been mistaken for bed sheet altogether unappreciated.

Have set out number of grievances tomorrow for Miss Broom, principally drawn up by other half.  Most concerned about raising these.  To make matters worse, Mrs Payne entirely pleased with Miss Broom to talk to and find her positively unbearable myself.  This addressed with suggestion as to reduce cleaning duties but pay her to see Mrs Payne.  Said this highly ridiculous.  If wanted more company, could jolly well feed the ducks, quickly rebuked as making poor conversation.  Said ducks presumably upset she ate all the bread.

Day 98

Miss Broom arrived yesterday afternoon as arranged and set about her cleaning.  Felt awfully on edge with someone walking around one's home so went to get tea whilst allowing Miss Broom to clean office.

Going to get tea saw that tea leaves and sugar again heaped on counter top and scolded Mrs Payne for such mess.  This seemed altogether to make no impact, Mrs Payne said toe hurt awfully when stood up.  Replied soon wouldn't be worrying about toe hurting, just the bit that connected to the foot.  This appeared fearfully inadequate encouragement for cleaning counter top.

Miss Broom returned from upstairs, and having said some kind words to Mrs Payne regards toe, gave me altogether different side, complaining bitterly about state of office, and would she be expected to clean papers on desk on each occasion?  Replied she was certainly not required to clean papers on any occasion, as had carefully arranged them.  This apparently all too late, as stalking upstairs found work, once carefully ordered, now in rough pile.

Quite unable to sort out mess now went downstairs to retrieve abandoned cup of tea to find Miss Broom sat down having jolly chat with Mrs Payne.  Most displeased about this, asked would she be getting back to work soon?  Terse response came back that was by law required break of 15 minutes, and if this proved problem, was sure employment office would hear about it.  Furious about this, and further, Mrs Payne proceeding to offer by best biscuits.  Stormed back upstairs and forgot tea for second time.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Day 97 - lunch

Found Mrs Payne's mess with tea leaves and sugar altogether cleared up by dinner last night, and quickly found out this was because she wanted me to take her to doctor.  Self diagnosis that big toe was "giving her gyp".  Queried whether toe was perhaps making bid for freedom hoping to disconnect itself entirely not taken well, but Mrs Payne gritted teeth and said she would be very grateful for transport.

Went out mid-morning to see doctor, although said it highly unlikely she would be seen ad-hoc.  Surprised when came out only 5 minutes later awfully pale, and explained they would have to amputate.  Said this highly ridiculous, and assured her otherwise, but sure enough Mrs Payne clutched appointment card specifying "minor surgery".

Getting back to home Mrs Payne rather quiet, asked if she would like cup of tea to calm nerves.  Reassured Mrs Payne situation not altogether bad, would surely get 10% discount at chiropodist.

Day 97

Ever so impressed with cleaner, and will be starting today!  Was most eager and came around yesterday late afternoon to see about job.  As such spent most of afternoon vigorously cleaning with not a jot of help from Mrs Payne.  Said on several occasions help would be appreciated, with response that cleaning house to impress cleaner "positively ridiculous".

In any event, had desired affect on cleaner, as made point of saying place rather well kept, and wondered if we needed cleaner at all!  Replied that home was usually this clean, and were other people's not?  Cleaner said some people's homes were "a right tip", and then there were others that cleaned up before she got there.  Said I thought this awfully silly.

Showed cleaner around various rooms, and showed her quickly through lounge as not to take up conversation with Mrs Payne.  By way of completeness commented as to,
"No need to dust the old dear.".

Most displeased to find Mrs Payne had made tea whilst showing cleaner upstairs, and tea leaves and sugar positively heaped on counter top.  Furious at this, advised cleaner would do well not to get drawn in by Mrs Payne.  Cleaner altogether quiet on subject and rather abrupt in general.  Pleased by this as was sure to avoid chatting with Mrs Payne.

All concluded, cleaner said she would be happy to accept the job working Tuesdays and Thursday, as such Miss Broom was engaged as cleaner.

Thanked Miss Broom for her prompt visit and filled in relevant documents.  Said she was sure we would be pleased with her work.  At this Mrs Payne commented not to expect me to clean for her tomorrow.  Miss Broom begged her pardon, but what did she mean?  Mrs Payne in much hilarity said I had cleaned before she arrived, adding "he was running around like a milk maid".  Miss Broom gave little titter at this, at which awfully annoyed said we had concluded our business and thanked her very much for her time.

Having shown Miss Broom to door stalked back to say at some volume "Mrs Payne!", before adding "Clean up that tea and sugar!".
 This outright refused, with reply,
"I don't see why, we've got a cleaner now!  You can do it before she arrives!".

Monday, 20 February 2012

Day 96 - lunch

Following Horseface's suggestion regards cleaner, have spent this morning on telephone to purveyors of that particular skill.  Furious about this as cleaner altogether unnecessary expense.

Other half mentioned after boss and Horseface had left on Saturday night that would be terribly good idea to get cleaner and alleviate housework.  Said this absolute nonsense, we already had one hanger-on, gesturing to Mrs Payne, and certainly did not need another.  This taken very badly by other half and Mrs Payne, was called a "fearful brute".

Stuck to my point all the same, said if more cleaning needed to be done Mrs Payne could jolly well do it.  Had to laugh when Mrs Payne said she did plenty of work around house already.  Exclaimed did not think crossword puzzle on toilet counted.

Realised other half certainly not backing down on matter, and eventually gave way to getting cleaner.  Mrs Payne thought this most pleasing, said she would have someone to talk to!  Replied she would jolly well have nothing of the sort.

As such this morning settled on cleaner seeming most rude over telephone, as will surely be most unsuitable conversation partner for Mrs Payne.

Day 96

Invited boss and Horseface around for dinner on Saturday by way of improving relations between Horseface and Mrs Payne.  As such had best sherry ready to loosen grudges as they arrived early evening.

Sincerely wish had stuck to cheap sherry, as result altogether undesirable.  Soon after handing around glasses Horseface said was pleased Mrs Payne had quite finished shouting left and right.  Mrs Payne replied she hoped her breathing wasn't causing distraction.  Boss most nervous by this.  Other half said she'd check on dinner.

In meantime received more rudeness caused by Horseface asking if we had considered cleaner.  Said no we hadn't, and further didn't consider the place such a mess that we should need to.  Horseface by way of apology said certainly wasn't implying anything regards cleanliness.  Wasn't like we lived in a shed!  Replied we certainly didn't, that's just where we kept Mrs Payne.  All had jolly good laugh at this except Mrs Payne, looked frightfully annoyed.  Asked if she would like another sherry.  Tried giving her cheap stuff, but old dear sharper than she seems, told me not to be so stingy.

Had dinner and relations altogether improved.  Horseface said she didn't want to join the silly bell ringing club anyway.  Mrs Payne added Horseface far to young anyway, and would look out of place.  Horseface added she didn't consider Mrs Payne all that older, and peace was resumed.  Excited by this new constitution,  thought it highly amusing to suggest I should join bell ringing club instead, as would surely fit in amongst silver haired old ladies.  All agreed at this, and Mrs Payne added she could see me angrily shaking a charity collector.  Other half said in defence I certainly wasn't that old, before added with a giggle it was just that I looked like an old lady.  All in fits of laughing at this.  Most annoyed, said I would check on dessert.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Day 95 - lunch

Took Mrs Payne into town mid-morning for bell ringing trial.  Looked awfully anxious, but gave positive encouragement all the way there.  Was more determined than Mrs Payne to beat Horesface and by way of keeping nerves steady had still not told Mrs Payne about Horseface assuming victory.

Heard clinking of bells from some distance away, as well as the fearful shaking of charity collectors.  Bound to say under usual circumstances would avoid gaggle of silver-haired monsters, and seeing Mrs Payne gripping her wooden box tight, wished I had something to hold on to, or perhaps use as weapon should things turn nasty.

Mrs Payne and I greeted by way of shaking of charity box, received most cordially when pounds had duly been donated.  Explained that Mrs Payne and Horseface would take part in a single piece, by way of trial, and then would be told their fate, leaving remainder of club to play for today.

Thankful to see Horseface some steps away and clearly nervous herself, did not greet us.  Awfully rude.  Gave Mrs Payne profound encouragement, reminding her of what we had practiced, as to thinking "left" and "right" when ringing, and seeing determination in her eyes sought out nearby bench.

Ladies lined up, bells in hands, and following count in proceeded to ring away tune that put chill down spine.  Watched terribly closely Mrs Payne, and could see lips moving in terms of "left" and "right", and what appeared correct tune, however Horseface positively all over place.  Notes most discordant with tune, as well as ringing over top of musical break.  Piece went awfully quickly, and was soon over.

Mrs Payne came over to bench, still clutching her little bells, asking what I thought.  Before had time to answer Horseface trotted up, and most furiously accused Mrs Payne of outright sabotage saying out loud "left" and "right" constantly, most confusing to play.  Added she was certain such amateurish playing would not be accepted, and cantered off.  Quite ignoring this, went on to say I thought Mrs Payne's playing rather on par with club, and certainly best performance to date, and not to worry in slightest about Horseface.

We waited some minutes before hearing verdict, during which managed to weasel more pounds from us for charity.  Thought this most dirty trick.  Was pleased that "Chief Ringer" gathered Mrs Payne and Horseface together for results.  Were told ever so politely that Mrs Payne's playing rather "average", but comparatively was absolute professional compared to Horseface, with chief ringer terribly sorry to say, but Horseface's playing positive anarchy, rather like clock shop at noon.  As such was terribly sorry, but neither would be suitable for club.  Following this news bells were solemnly returned, and we were left dejected as ringing resumed.

Mrs Payne made apology to Horseface if she put her off, but before had time to finish Horseface had cantered off in evident rage.

Returning home told Mrs Payne not to worry about Horseface, and for record, Horseface had said she was most superior player and certain to get part, so not to feel responsible in slightest.  Mrs Payne furious to learn this, visibly shaking called her a "scoundrel".

Day 95

Horseface smiled like nag with false teeth as she left yesterday, having practiced all afternoon in shed.  Said she was positively leagues ahead of Mrs Payne and was sure to win position in bell ringing club.  Dared not mention this to Mrs Payne as she came in some time later for dinner.  Explained with some strain that she had still only learnt 12 notes, and more confused than ever.  Was sure for disaster tomorrow when had to take part in trial in town with rest of bell ringing club.

Thought Horseface altogether too smug for words, so decided after dinner that would tackle impossible task of teaching Mrs Payne the part.  Mrs Payne steeled herself to the task with utmost focus.  Other half said would mother like sherry to calm her nerves, adamantly declined.  Said I would have quantity of it.  This duly provided, could barely hold glass was so full of sherry, and set about task.

Bound to say glass completely emptied following several hours of practicing, proving most arduous.  Other half fearfully angry as practice continued after she had gone to bed, shouted downstairs to "bally well shut up!".

Found shed awfully cold, and practice altogether more difficult by torchlight.  Determined to get one up on Horseface, forged into the night with glass renewed with sherry.  Mrs Payne said she would have a small one "for the cold".

Practiced awfully hard until Mrs Payne said she needed to powder her nose.  Mrs Payne was gone rather long time, and was getting frightfully cold in shed, and further Mrs Payne had taken torch, so apart from tiny pen torch, was stood in dark.  Looked at watch and had been waiting 45 minutes, so ventured into the house, twisting ankle on edge of lawn in process and falling against bush.  Fearfully angry at this, entered house while removing leaves from clothes and promptly found Mrs Payne asleep on toilet.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Day 94 - lunch

Horseface around again this morning with wooden box, asking for "Shed, please", looking most focused.  On way to back door managed to ask on her involvement in bell ringing also, and excited to learn was only one place in bell ringing club, so was quite the competition in hand.

Coming down from office for mid-morning tea peered out into garden and opened back door to see some protestations from shed as to who's fault it was on getting piece wrong.  Most amused, took out tea and asked if Queen Payne was in residence.  Horseface replied quietly "not entirely".

Asked about progress and both awfully annoyed it seemed with progress.  Piece was apparently duet, so asked could I perhaps hear it played.  Followed rendition rather better than Mrs Payne's 6 note run, principally owing to some repetition the piece for her part.  Could see frustration, as piece punctuated in places:

"Tink ding dong dong BOTHER! tink dink tink ding dong dong BOTHER!"

Horseface's part far from confident, however piece shaken to very core by Mrs Payne.  Feeling rather optimistic following previous solo attempt earlier in week, asked if they would be so good as to let me try Mrs Payne's part.  This quickly refused by Mrs Payne.  Horseface anticipating rather better performance however lightly slipped bells from Mrs Payne's hands smiling sweetly as she did so, and told me to,
"Jolly well ring the blighters!".

Bound to say piece not altogether perfect, as was awfully difficult playing with partner, but made rather good fist of it I thought, and Horseface's part also improved.  Mrs Payne looked on in silent fury.  Music certainly did not tame beast and seeing this not altogether helping tension in Payne Castle, decided best to leave them to it, and walking back to house heard from shed,
"SEE!  Even Robert can do it!".
Shouted back with some annoyance, "I say!", with no reply.

Day 94

Had most productive afternoon in peace and quiet having banished Mrs Payne to shed.  Spied on her several times during afternoon and pleased to see her chinking away with her bells in quiet.  Also mouth-read "bother!" repeated many times, presuming this as Mrs Payne got end of her 6 note record.

Surprised mid-afternoon to find knock at door, and further to find Horseface on doorstep.  Invited her in and noticed wooden box in hand not dissimilar to Mrs Payne's.  Asked why I had pleasure of her company, and most annoyed that Horseface brushed this off entirely, asked if she could see Mrs Payne.  Said awfully tersely "Shed!", and promptly bundled Horseface out of back door into garden.

Looking out of back door, watching for several moments as Horseface looked confused, and hearing a frustrated "bother!" coming from shed, proceeded to knock.  Thought this all too funny, shouted after her,
"She's in residence.  Go in!  Haven't got the flag mast yet!".

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Day 93 - lunch

Mrs Payne adopted new strategy this morning that ringing bells awfully hard helped profoundly with learning process.  As such noise became most intolerable by mid-morning and had to take action.

Point was made over tea that bell ringing must be done quietly or not at all.  Defence made that she had to ring hard as was already paying dividends, now up to 6 notes correct.  Said not sure if it was paying dividends as such, as current rate of learning, 36 note piece would take 3 weeks.  Would receive better dividends investing whiskey in a tramp.

After fearful argument could not discourage Mrs Payne, and settled on only acceptable compromise.  As such Mrs Payne henceforth banished to practicing in shed.  Seemed awfully annoyed at this, and spying out of little bathroom window out to garden, saw Mrs Payne through shed window looking rather angry, appeared talking to herself in most annoyed manner, occasionally clinking bell by way of exclamation.

Day 93

Last night over dinner made point that was finding Mrs Payne's bell ringing awfully tiresome as house constantly filled with tiny chinking.  Said it was like Santa's sleigh bells.  Other half put case to Mrs Payne on amount of practice, saying perhaps it could be reduced, this due in part to me not being jolly enough to be Santa.  Mrs Payne thought this hilarious, said other half was right.  Profoundly annoyed by this.

Mrs Payne continues to practice vigorously in belief that she alone can save bell ringing club from mediocrity.  Pleased to say however that she has got over hurdle of first three notes, and now rings out five notes most confidently before getting left and right hands altogether muddled, most of the time resulting in both bells chinking at same time.

Excuse given for slow progress that really large bells would be much easier to learn.  Said this nonsense, and perhaps it would help if clapper was removed making bell silent altogether?  This dismissed as ridiculous, and comment that I thought it would help the tune enormously taken very badly.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Day 92 - lunch

Going down for tea mid-morning found kitchen rather acrid, surprised to find Mrs Payne sitting in quite haze of smoke whilst reading bell music.  Asked had she not noticed air awfully thick, and received annoyed response that no she hadn't, and if it was, was solely caused by pancake mixture, terribly badly made and would not set in slightest.

Thought this most amusing, begged her pardon but considered earlier pancakes height of success, all the same, if she had given up for time being, would she be so good as to turn hob off, as frying pan seemed to be burning a jot.  This indignantly carried out, although at cost of accidentally turning gas on for another ring.  Quickly turning this off and fearfully angry said she was a hazard to the household.  This taken most badly, Mrs Payne promptly left kitchen in frightful state along with her bell music.  Shouted after her,

Day 92

Thought it would be nice this morning to make other half pancakes on account of Valentines day, so worked ever so efficiently to make pancakes whilst other half getting ready.  This unfortunately not altogether successful, mixture rather odd in consistency, and upon attempting first pancake realised was far too runny, unless pancake cocktail was to be served.

Setting aside first batch and altogether frantic at time taken, made second batch in alternate bowl, ultimately proving altogether too small and as quantity of batter slopped out onto slipper and floor.

Finally had small quantity of pancakes looking mostly edible and left them and little plate of warmed blueberries on table, as well as proudly standing Valentines envelope behind by way of explanation.  Quite pleased with this set about getting dressed myself, as well as cleaning slipper.

Came down some time later to find other half eating cereal and looking altogether displeased, soon explained by annoyed query as to what the mess was on the floor.  Explained I had done my best, and did she not like the pancakes?  This received by blank look and comment of what pancakes?  At this Mrs Payne commented ever so casually as to having pancakes this morning, were delicious.  Most annoyed at this asked had she not seen the card as indication as to being for her daughter, and response that no she hadn't.

Seeing sideboard realised frightful problem in that card had fallen face down into blueberries, now soaking their way through envelope, and most displeased that Mrs Payne had moved this item without a thought.  All the same other half said it was a jolly nice gesture, carefully opened envelope to reveal card rather sticky in texture, and motif principally of purple.  Most upset by this.  Mrs Payne, altogether dismissive of card, asked if there were any more pancakes.  Told her she could make he own as had kindly set aside extra mixture.  Suggested other half and I get ready to work and quickly left kitchen.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Day 91 - lunch

Went down for tea mid-morning to find Mrs Payne chinking her tiny bells and scrutinising most seriously the "music" written down.  Peering over Mrs Payne's shoulder to see matrix of numbers looking most complicated.

Sat down as was offered demonstration, and laboriously awaited start of piece as Mrs Payne gave great detail on complexity of piece and having practiced all morning, and really was making jolly good progress.  Demonstration soon over, at which begged Mrs Payne's pardon, but piece seemed rather short, as she had only played three notes.  Was piece really just "dong ding ding"?  This taken very badly, said of course it wasn't that short, that was as far as she had got thank you very much.

Made enquiries as to the notation for what to ring, and that quickly understood proceeded to take bells in hands myself and chink away for full 36 note tune on first attempt!  Mrs Payne awfully displeased with this, said I can't possibly be doing it right.  Delighted with my performance, asked Mrs Payne if she would like tea.  Replied in most annoyed tone that would I be so good as to stop bothered her as she needed to concentrate.

Waiting for kettle to boil heard same tune "dong ding ding", followed pause, and with some volume, "BOTHER IT!".

Day 91

Frightful headache this morning, almost certainly owing to Mrs Payne's new hobby.  Coming back from church on Sunday she explained over lunch that enquiries had been made as to anyone wanting to join bell ringing club.  Groaned as I heard this, as all too aware of group of silver haired spinsters clanging bells in most annoying fashion in town almost daily for some charitable cause or other.  Further, members most rampant in their cause and quite some nuisance.  Explained this to Mrs Payne, who quickly dismissed as "that's probably just you".  Most annoyed at this.

Once lunch was finished Mrs Payne excitedly retrieved a profoundly grand oak wooden box that she had been given by head bell ringer.  Went on to say it was all terribly exciting and Mrs Payne seemed most in demand by club, evidence being what was certainly extremely old and valuable bells.

Mrs Payne proceeded to open box and all three of us peered in to the beautiful satin lined box.  Doing so, found the tiniest bells we had ever seen, measuring what cannot be more than 3 inches heigh.  Passing the bells between us we each looked at them in silent astonishment, and passing them back to Mrs Payne, I asked,
"You're not joining the children's section are you?".

Friday, 10 February 2012

Day 90 - lunch

Having sworn Mrs Payne to silence, decided to set off on our evil deed this morning for cake.  Mrs Payne terribly grateful for accomplice on account of being able to take car instead of walking.  Explained taking car rather less good for exercise.  Mrs Payne replied we could take the bus, point altogether lost.

Evidently had been to coffee shop all too frequently, manager greeted us and went as far as suggesting what we wanted.  Thought this profound liberty, but pleased to have extra stamp on my free coffee card for Mrs Payne's coffee, although thinking now, false victory as I paid for it.

Settled down at table in corner with barely enough room for coffee, cakes and my laptop and had barely managed to arrange items when quickly hushed Mrs Payne.  Sitting facing shop front, I motioned towards door as we saw other half walk into coffee shop, receive terrifying shock at seeing us, quickly about face, walk back out of coffee shop and finally stood motionless in street.

Some moments passed of excited comment between Mrs Payne and I, and for other half what can only assume some chagrin.  Eventually other half came back into coffee shop and greeted Mrs Payne and I most graciously, saying what a lovely surprise, although chastised Mrs Payne rather for the cake, said it was alright just the once.  Mrs Payne made silent approval that it was just the once.

Had quite some suspicion as to other half's reason for coffee shop visit, but before had a moment to query this found manager pottering around clearing tables exclaiming to other half that she would serve her in a moment, and really too funny that we knew each other, was evidently the "cake brigade"!  Seeing opportunity made nonchalant reply that surely other half was not in cake brigade, as was certainly on diet and fearfully serious about it!  At this glances passed from other half to manager, and other half admitted with most shame that she had the occasional lapse as to cake.  Manager evidently most uncomfortable said she presumed just a coffee was in order today, at which other half boldly added,
"Oh no, cake please!".

Day 90

Following Mrs Payne's odd disappearance decided after early lunch that would perhaps take work to coffee shop now free from tyranny of lawless staff.  Bound to say with dinner at home have become fearfully addicted to cake, and have been drawn in by 10th coffee free upon stamping little card.

Arriving at coffee shop sought out my usual table and fearfully annoyed to find someone sitting haunched over it as really was best possible place to work with mains socket nearby for laptop.  Inspecting patron more closely immediately came to solution, and said quite audibly,
"I say, Mrs Payne!".
This caused terribly shock to the poor dear, who jumped out of her skin and looked up in fright, with quantity of chocolate cake around her mouth.

Followed harrowing tale of Mrs Payne at wits end with diet, most fearful of saying to daughter she wanted to quit, and as such had been making journey to coffee shop such that could get some sustenance, and really feet terribly sore.  Mrs Payne most concerned, asked what I was going to do.  In awfully serious tone replied,
"Well Mrs Payne, I think there is only one resolution", and with gasp from Mrs Payne added,
"Let us eat cake."

Other half and Mrs Payne's diet proving most onerous regarding dinner, particularly dishes similarity and profound lack of taste.  Dismissed other half's defence of the dish as being "jolly nutritious" as rather too true,  dish tasting as it did could not possibly be bad for you and please could I have a little more salt?  Other half said this most ridiculous, tasted delicious.  Thankfully had Mrs Payne by way of agreement asking what the "green stuff" was, with other half replying in height of annoyance,

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Day 89 - lunch

Coming down for mid-morning tea saw Mrs Payne readying herself for walk, proving highly regular as has been out every day this week.  Reminding me of seeing her in town yesterday, asked what had been said to Horseface.  This taken most oddly, asked with quite some shock how I had seen her, so explained was in a shop.  No answer being provided, said in any case Mrs Payne had done terribly well to walk such a distance, and looked rather well also.  Mrs Payne took this most graciously, said that was awfully kind.

Deciding Mrs Payne set very good example, would rather like a walk myself, and would come along if it was all the same.  Apparently this profoundly not all the same, Mrs Payne said she would really rather go on her own, but thank you very much for the offer, and promptly walked straight out of door.  Watched from window to see Mrs Payne looking back nervously, smile broadly in my direction, vigorously wave, and continue walking.  Presume woman of her age prone to losing marbles.  Will mention to other half.

Day 89

Spent some time after lunch yesterday working in coffee shop, Horseface thankfully cantered off having finished grazing.  In doing so found most surprising events.

Saw Horseface having only just left, waved to Mrs Payne, evidently on one of her walks.  Mrs Payne met Horseface, shared one or two words, and Mrs Payne promptly walked off in opposite direction.  Thought this most odd.

Whilst staring at this, gaze was interrupted by quite some argument between shop assistant and manager.  Some awfully sharp words were exchanged and shop assistant stormed out, exclaiming as she did she, "didn't do nothing".

Some moments passed where shocked patrons slowly returned to their business, and bound to say could not help but purchase another coffee by way of enquiring as to shop assistant, despite frightful expense.  Doing so proved cost altogether justified, as manager apologised for outburst, and said she had to let the assistant go on account of stealing.  Listing misdemeanours, went on to say assistant had the audacity to take shared tips straight out of the jar.  This altogether bad in itself, manager informed me that some customers had seen this and not reported it!  Said I couldn't believe people could be so stupid.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Day 88 - lunch

Back from coffee shop with trip largely more successful than last.  Decided would be altogether wise to ingratiate myself with staff so made particular point of leaving tip in little jar.  Must have been appreciated as coins quickly removed by rude shop assistant from yesterday.

Thought by way of securing my position that by drinking coffee ever so slowly would then be unable to complain as yesterday.  As such although cake quickly disappeared, sipped coffee like church mouse with a wedge of cheese.

Inevitable brush with Coffee Shop Police occurred, and owing to over half of coffee still remaining, albeit now stone cold, was spared wrath of shop assistant, who even went so far as to thank me for tip.

Unfortunately extended time at coffee shop resulted in heightened risk of Horseface, who promptly arrived just as was about to leave.  Thankfully had laptop open so made sure to explain was working.  Horseface, having spotted rather murky looking coffee, made terribly loud comment that I was "nursing that drink a bit, I'd say!", at which rude shop assistant cleaning nearby added,
"It's been like that all morning!".
All present thought this most amusing and Horseface positively hilarious.  Bought me another drink by way of apology.

Day 88

Found house quite empty when came back from coffee shop yesterday and found some time later that Mrs Payne had gone out for another walk.  Mentioned concern over exercise at her age, and received reply, "cobblers", most rude.

Thankful that no "toe food" on the menu for dinner last night, as I cooked.  This altogether more difficult than usual fayre, however came across notion that adding salad to a dish thereby made it healthy.  This largely unappreciated as we had soup.

Intend to go back to coffee shop this morning to work, despite terribly rude member of staff yesterday.  Didn't mention this to other half and Mrs Payne on account of fearful embarrassment, not to mention giving game away about cake.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Day 87 - lunch

Following awful dinner last night decided this morning would be excellent idea to take laptop to coffee shop in town and enjoy cake and coffee whilst working.  Grimaced whilst leaving Mrs Payne at home, singing in shrillest of voice and greatest of moods, evidently not feeling effects of diet.

Arriving at coffee shop ordered coffee and sumptuous cake, caring not a jot for calories or cost.  Had some degree of concern over Horseface appearing as she often does, so tucked myself away in corner out of obvious sight by way of avoiding the omnipresent nag.

Work went awfully well fuelled by delicious cake, although had terrible problem when shop assistant removed empty plate and cup from table, leaving me quite obviously outstaying my welcome.  This came to head as some time later was asked at some volume whether I was intending on having a drink, or "treating the place like a library".  Thought of awfully sharp response that place was certainly NOT a library, owing to library staff being POLITE.  Unfortunately only thought of this whilst standing on street, having been rudely shown the door, to my infinite shame.

Day 87

Had some concerns last night with other half cooking, and found them altogether justified as sat down to eat.  Inspecting plate saw rice and vegetables in order, although begged other half's pardon, but was the dish quite cooked, as mine had several pieces of uncooked white squares, presumed some kind of stock.  Was informed it was jolly well cooked and to get on with it.

Mrs Payne and I exchanged some glances, and bracing myself cut a tiny piece and slowly at it, not altogether pleased with rather gelatinous texture and not a jot of taste in the thing.  Apologised profusely again, queried as to what we were eating.  Mrs Payne excitedly replied we were eating, "toe food!".  Said I had never heard of such a thing in the realm of cooking, although could see the material used as some kind of window seal.  Was terribly sorry to ask, but we didn't have some chicken fillets wedged in window frame by way of some awful mistake?

Other half, having paused between eating, exclaimed with profound displeasure, "It's tofu!".  Several minutes of silence followed, with Mrs Payne eventually speaking with some thought, saying she preferred the name toe food.  Attempt for my response to this quickly denied by other half saying wearily,
"Can we just eat it?".

This question answered some laborious minutes later in the negative, as Mrs Payne and I had carefully eaten around the cubed window seal material leaving it largely untouched.  Things taken all too far as Mrs Payne began stacking little cubes neatly on plate, before saying,
"Look!  It's a toe food castle!".

This taken as all too much for other half, said she didn't know why she bothered making delicious meals for such unappreciative diners.  Comment that I didn't believe she had perhaps going a bit far, other half stormed out of kitchen saying we could clear the table.  Some minutes later in doing so found other half had left a quantity herself!

Monday, 6 February 2012

Day 86 - lunch

Packed other half off to work with healthy lunch and shocked to hear Mrs Payne going out for walk. As such had house completely to myself and decided late start on work altogether justified as had been working awfully hard of late. Helped myself to extra toast with mid-morning tea safe from glares and criticism about not joining in diet regime. Toast all the more enjoyable as result.

Mrs Payne returned shortly before lunch, and bound to say looked rather flushed. Said walk most invigorating though evidently lacked energy to respond when asked if she was up to physical activity, as was outright ignored.

Question as to whether Mrs Payne would be joining me for lunch met more success, said she was not hungry thank you, but could I perhaps bring her glass of water. Brought glass to her presently and found her asleep in chair, poor dear.

Day 86

Positively miserable weekend owing to return of diet for other half and Mrs Payne. Explained had not a jot of interest, at which receieved barrage of comment as to needing to lose a pound or two myself.

Stuck to my principles fearlessly and won right to enjoy food not akin to rabbit fayre, however in doing so opened myself to superior criticism at every meal. Maintained I was very proud of their endeavours, whilst caring not a jot for comments that I should be joining them.

At dinner on Saturday enjoyed delicious lamb chop whilst other half and Mrs Payne contented themselves with potato salad. Is quite some fortune that mere looks cannot absorb calories as other half and Mrs Payne would have gained several pounds each watching as I ate my chop.

After some minutes of self conscious eating ventured to ask how salad was. Enthusiastic response from both rabbits that salad positively delicious. Replied they must be savouring it, as same pieces of lettuce had been pushed around plates for some minutes. This promptly declared ridiculous as other half began eating and Mrs Payne excused herself from table saying she wasn't so hungry at the moment. Comment that diet must be working apparently most unwelcome. Told to be quiet and eat my chop.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Day 85 - lunch

Still awfully pleased this morning with boss' email.  Read it several times before starting work.  As such went down in jolliest of moods for mid-morning tea with quite some optimism for Mrs Payne's progress with floor tile.

Found Mrs Payne shuffling around on floor, and commented that pleased to see she had managed to remove tile, and really terribly well done.  Raised query however as to necessity of removing adjacent tiles.  Could understand one or two, but really room looks awfully dusty with quarter floor removed.  Explanation not altogether clear, but heard some muttering about all locking together.

Said in any event, would really be good to put the whole lot back, as other half would be fearfully angry to see lounge in this state, and had I mentioned she was back at lunch today as took half day?  This taken most badly, said no I had not, and if I had quite finished could I jolly well get out of the way.

Decided situation altogether helped by vacating lounge and getting tea, and said not a word as returning to office, leave Mrs Payne's tea on floor.  Overheard comment,
"Why don't they fit together?".

Was roused before lunch by other half coming home and exclamation at some volume from lounge,
"What the bally!".

At this decided would be best to check on progress, altogether more difficult with quantity of floor tiles haphazardly stacked up stair.  Making way into lounge bound to say was shocked by what I saw, all but entirety of floor now removed, and Mrs Payne making little concentric jigsaw puzzle in middle of room out of half dozen tiles.

Looked around to find tiles stacked on every flat surface, some rather jaunty, and barely a tile on floor.  Tiles under furniture legs remained, with adjacent having been neatly excavated around them.  Went to pick up one tile in pile easily 20 high but cut off by Mrs Payne exclaiming,
"No!  That's my 'unsure' pile.".
Thought this far from reassuring, asked if she was struggling a little.  Mrs Payne said she had everything under control.  Quickly replied only thing under her control was floorboards.  Mrs Payne said back awfully hurting due to bending down, could do with sit down.  Said I thought this altogether good idea, though rather hampered by not a solitary buttock of space to sit.  Other half quite furious, said she was making tea.

Having removed tiles inexplicably in kitchen, had tea and heard sorry tale of tile after tile being removed by way of trying to find where previous tiles fitted.  Other half interjected saying would it not have been better to stop removing tiles?  Mrs Payne thought for a moment, said she hadn't considered that.  Added in any case several tiles were still in place, except those under sofa, unfortunately bumped out of position when bending down.

Other half, evidently no less furious after tea, asked had I not stopped mother in law before got to this state?  Most taken back by this, said floor was not in nearly as bad state mid-morning, and most destruction occurred thereafter.  Mrs Payne attempted by way of consolation to say she had been most productive after tea, this vigorously refuted by other half.

Mrs Payne and I having been given strict instructions to return floor to its previous state, other half said she was going shopping.  Mrs Payne turned to me as other half left, saying,
"Where do you want to start?".

Day 85

Received email yesterday afternoon from boss, and feared worse in getting a severe telling off for work being late and further for wasting time.  Braced myself before opening and decided before clicking that would really be better to have cup of tea first.

Went downstairs to find Mrs Payne in frightful mess and floor tile certainly no different in its position to earlier, that being solidly affixed to floor.  Altogether too worried about email for this, and comment from Mrs Payne about having to try an alternative approach quickly dismissed.

Returned with tea to find email defiantly waiting, and wincing as I clicked to read email, most short in content as is boss' style, read as follows:

"Monochrome, nonsense. Go with colour. Could learn a lot from Smith."

Delighted with this and printed out copy for other half to read when home.  Other half most pleased with outcome, called me a "maverick".  She's a darling.  Mrs Payne, altogether less impressed, said she still preferred black and white, and there was "no accounting for taste".

Most displeased by this, asked by way of defence how floor tile was progressing.  This query quietly ignored, other half offered encouragement that she was certain mother would make a very good job of it seeing quality of picture hanging work.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Day 84 - lunch

Took Mrs Payne to hardware store and spent some considerable time whilst Mrs Payne weighed up various tools that could do necessary job.  Explained had many tools already and was sure really just needed replacement tile, but this dismissed by Mrs Payne and needing altogether "more professional" tools.  Thought this hilarious and said as much, Mrs Payne retorting by way of asking who created the damage in the first place, and perhaps I would care to fix it?  Said she could carry on.  Unfortunately she did carry on, to the tune of 120 pounds, quite ridiculous for such small task.

Having gathered numerous contraptions for Mrs Payne, set off for home, and getting back found profoundly rude email from boss' underling on account of asking where the work was, and really was all too ridiculous that work was done wrong in first place.  Furious at this on account of boss being included on email, evidently to show me up.  Spent quite some time writing awfully sharp email in response, but held back on sending at last minute.  Shaking with anger decided would need a cup of tea and did not calm down a jot with Mrs Payne's comment,
"I say, you do still have a job?", happily banging away with her tools.

Day 84

Other half equally impressed last night with Mrs Payne's hanging of painting.  Said she had never seen the job so well done.  Took some exception to this on account of my previous good work in this area.  Other half said my pictures always hung crooked.  Defending my work saying wall was crooked.  Furious when by way of reply other half broke into song "There was a crooked man", with Mrs Payne joining in for reprise.  Asked if they had quite finished, replied they had with shrill laughter.

Riding on her air of success, Mrs Payne noted perhaps she could see about mending bowed wooden floor tile, damaged during unfortunate incident with coffee machine.  Other half, still annoyed at incident, said she thought it altogether unwise, really would better be left.  Bound to say I had been quite bothered with damage on account of tripping on it some number of times, and thinking this the most excellent way of getting it fixed without doing so myself, backed Mrs Payne's campaign to do the work.  Other half eventually relinquished, and plan of work put in place to acquire necessary materials today and complete the work on Friday.

As such have task of taking Mrs Payne to hardware store.  Query raised as to whether I should be doing work, dismissed as being task for an imbecile.  Mrs Payne queried as to why I wasn't doing it then.  Too furious to respond.  Mrs Payne realising her faux pas added with a little laugh, "Oh, I say!".

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Day 83 - lunch

Other half displeased last night to learn of Mrs Payne's hammering incident.  Said it was a jolly silly thing to do and she should know better.  Unfortunately other half altogether more furious finding it was her shoe now nailed to picture frame.  Query as to why her shoe was suffering answered as being "the nearest to hand" not altogether helping situation.

As such had fearful row with other half on merits of stowing tools away out of Mrs Payne's grasp, resulting in tools being returned to usual location with strict instructions that should Mrs Payne feel the need to use them it must be done responsibly.

Returning tools from upstairs Mrs Payne said she would have the hammer now if it was all the same to me, and by way of demonstration on her trustworthiness, proceeded to prize other half's shoe from picture frame.  Having loosed the item, exclaimed "See!" handing shoe to other half, now with nail protruding from heel.

Fearfully bored all morning with project, and hearing some degree of banging from downstairs thought it both sensible for mind and home to investigate.  Found to some surprise Mrs Payne's ghastly painting hanging neatly from the wall, and carefully looking behind found not a jot of plaster had been displaced.  Most impressed by this, said we both deserved cup of coffee if she would be so kind as to make it.  Said she would be delighted.

Day 83

Yesterday afternoon most pleased with my work for my project, sent it across to boss, and most displeased to receive reply shortly thereafter from boss' underling saying work altogether wrong, and had I not read the brief?  Replied yes I had and further thought this would be profoundly more appropriate artwork.  Reply came again from underling saying nothing of the sort, and further would have to redo all the work.  Furious at this but thought better of taking it up with boss, relented to redoing work.

As such have most boring morning ahead of me and spent some considerable time over breakfast.  Situation also not helped by other half and Mrs Payne commenting as to telling me so that colourful artwork altogether wrong and perhaps I should listen to them more in future?  Thought better of replying, but after some moments stated at some volume to Mrs Payne,
This taken in brightest of moods by Mrs Payne, profoundly happy this morning.  Most annoyed by this also.