Friday, 3 February 2012

Day 85 - lunch

Still awfully pleased this morning with boss' email.  Read it several times before starting work.  As such went down in jolliest of moods for mid-morning tea with quite some optimism for Mrs Payne's progress with floor tile.

Found Mrs Payne shuffling around on floor, and commented that pleased to see she had managed to remove tile, and really terribly well done.  Raised query however as to necessity of removing adjacent tiles.  Could understand one or two, but really room looks awfully dusty with quarter floor removed.  Explanation not altogether clear, but heard some muttering about all locking together.

Said in any event, would really be good to put the whole lot back, as other half would be fearfully angry to see lounge in this state, and had I mentioned she was back at lunch today as took half day?  This taken most badly, said no I had not, and if I had quite finished could I jolly well get out of the way.

Decided situation altogether helped by vacating lounge and getting tea, and said not a word as returning to office, leave Mrs Payne's tea on floor.  Overheard comment,
"Why don't they fit together?".

Was roused before lunch by other half coming home and exclamation at some volume from lounge,
"What the bally!".

At this decided would be best to check on progress, altogether more difficult with quantity of floor tiles haphazardly stacked up stair.  Making way into lounge bound to say was shocked by what I saw, all but entirety of floor now removed, and Mrs Payne making little concentric jigsaw puzzle in middle of room out of half dozen tiles.

Looked around to find tiles stacked on every flat surface, some rather jaunty, and barely a tile on floor.  Tiles under furniture legs remained, with adjacent having been neatly excavated around them.  Went to pick up one tile in pile easily 20 high but cut off by Mrs Payne exclaiming,
"No!  That's my 'unsure' pile.".
Thought this far from reassuring, asked if she was struggling a little.  Mrs Payne said she had everything under control.  Quickly replied only thing under her control was floorboards.  Mrs Payne said back awfully hurting due to bending down, could do with sit down.  Said I thought this altogether good idea, though rather hampered by not a solitary buttock of space to sit.  Other half quite furious, said she was making tea.

Having removed tiles inexplicably in kitchen, had tea and heard sorry tale of tile after tile being removed by way of trying to find where previous tiles fitted.  Other half interjected saying would it not have been better to stop removing tiles?  Mrs Payne thought for a moment, said she hadn't considered that.  Added in any case several tiles were still in place, except those under sofa, unfortunately bumped out of position when bending down.

Other half, evidently no less furious after tea, asked had I not stopped mother in law before got to this state?  Most taken back by this, said floor was not in nearly as bad state mid-morning, and most destruction occurred thereafter.  Mrs Payne attempted by way of consolation to say she had been most productive after tea, this vigorously refuted by other half.

Mrs Payne and I having been given strict instructions to return floor to its previous state, other half said she was going shopping.  Mrs Payne turned to me as other half left, saying,
"Where do you want to start?".


  1. I checked 'Positively Hilarious'. I would like to check it AGAIN!! Well done, Paul! LMAO [literally]

    1. Ha! Glad you liked it. Literally laughing your arse off sounds painful though. ;-)