Friday, 17 February 2012

Day 95

Horseface smiled like nag with false teeth as she left yesterday, having practiced all afternoon in shed.  Said she was positively leagues ahead of Mrs Payne and was sure to win position in bell ringing club.  Dared not mention this to Mrs Payne as she came in some time later for dinner.  Explained with some strain that she had still only learnt 12 notes, and more confused than ever.  Was sure for disaster tomorrow when had to take part in trial in town with rest of bell ringing club.

Thought Horseface altogether too smug for words, so decided after dinner that would tackle impossible task of teaching Mrs Payne the part.  Mrs Payne steeled herself to the task with utmost focus.  Other half said would mother like sherry to calm her nerves, adamantly declined.  Said I would have quantity of it.  This duly provided, could barely hold glass was so full of sherry, and set about task.

Bound to say glass completely emptied following several hours of practicing, proving most arduous.  Other half fearfully angry as practice continued after she had gone to bed, shouted downstairs to "bally well shut up!".

Found shed awfully cold, and practice altogether more difficult by torchlight.  Determined to get one up on Horseface, forged into the night with glass renewed with sherry.  Mrs Payne said she would have a small one "for the cold".

Practiced awfully hard until Mrs Payne said she needed to powder her nose.  Mrs Payne was gone rather long time, and was getting frightfully cold in shed, and further Mrs Payne had taken torch, so apart from tiny pen torch, was stood in dark.  Looked at watch and had been waiting 45 minutes, so ventured into the house, twisting ankle on edge of lawn in process and falling against bush.  Fearfully angry at this, entered house while removing leaves from clothes and promptly found Mrs Payne asleep on toilet.

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