Had altogether too much cold yesterday afternoon so decided upon going to coffee shop. Asked Mrs Payne would she like to come and after several attempts realised hearing altogether impaired with hat and tea cosy. Made further attempt at some volume, had success of stirring Mrs Payne from her magazine. This had unfortunate resulted in reply at ear shattering volume,
Had altogether given up on vocal communication, simply wrote at top of magazine page:
Resulting in further reply,
"NO THANKS ROBERT!". Wrote again on magazine,
"I can hear you!".
Mrs Payne nodded with satisfaction at this, pleased message had come across. Bound to say next door probably got it too.
Leaving house realised had forgotten something and attempting to get back in, also realised had forgotten keys. This most annoying as abundant knocks on door all but useless and standing in rose bush in front of house waving through lounge window profoundly unsuccessful. Saw Mrs Payne occasionally struggling to flick page of magazine with oven gloves, but otherwise not a stir.
Thankfully had car keys and some money, and realising getting back in most futile, decided way as well bite bullet and go to coffee shop. Sure no one would notice in any case.
Later than usual coffee shop expedition, found Horseface already there, greeted me warmly and said she would have another coffee. Ended up paying for these.
Sat down, and Horseface most amused, asked had I been let out of funny farm. Laughed at this, though quietly annoyed, and tried to brush it off, said my coffee was cold. This evidently not to satisfaction, Horseface added in usually quiet voice, "Your shoes! I mean, your slippers!". At this explained was wearing carpet slippers as could not get in house as Mrs Payne could not hear. This explanation most unsuccessful, further when added Mrs Payne could not hear because had tea cosy on head. At this Horseface fell about in awfully loud laughter, and as patrons turned around, proceeded to look down at my carpet slippers, laughing further, with patrons following her eyes. Furious at this and gave patrons look of indignation in turn.
Horseface apologised through giggles, asked if I was getting replacement coffee for cold one. Said I would sooner not show slippers any more. Kindly said she would, adding,
"Would you like a blanket and pipe too?". Laughed her way to the till.