Found Mrs Payne altogether ignored knock at door so rushed downstairs to let gas man in. Most displeased at this, said he had been waiting some minutes.
At noise Mrs Payne woke up from slumber and by way of greeting gas man proceeded to tip her tin foil hat. Gas man nodded dutifully. Apologised for Mrs Payne, explained she was rather senile. This quickly interjected by Mrs Payne shouting,
"PARDON? IS THE WATER BACK ON YET?".
Ignored this entirely and sent gas man in direction of boiler. Seeing gas man had left room, Mrs Payne added,
"ARE YOU SURE HE'S THE RIGHT MAN? SEEMED POSITIVELY USELESS LAST TIME", at which gas man turned around and gave me furious glare. Smiled weakly and relayed glare to Mrs Payne.
Some time passed of diagnosis, and gas man owned could not find a thing wrong. Declared this positive nonsense, and by way of explanation turned on tap and not a jot of hot water flowed. Awfully annoyed by this, gave sharp comment regards utmost buffoonery of work, and if could not sort out simple thing as hot water would jolly well look to reporting him to authorities. Took awfully badly to this, said was "bloody ignorance" on behalf of myself and further if didn't have confidence in his ability, would take his 50 pounds call out fee, and we could hang! Declared would not even consider paying 50 pounds, as sheer stupidity on his part had resulted in boiler not fixed in first place.
Hearing rather heated exchange Mrs Payne came through to kitchen, and having lifted various headpieces such that could hear, asked again if water back on. Bound to say gave awfully terse reply that no, was not. Mrs Payne most disappointed in this, said she was hoping for cup of tea. Begged her pardon, but tea did not need hot water, could use cold, further would have tea myself if she would be so kind.
Mrs Payne looked most confused, and picking up kettle set about filling it. Turning cold tap, not a jot of water flowed either. At this Mrs Payne held out kettle by way of demonstration, and angling such that could peer inside, said,
"See, not a jot of water!".
Furious at this, begged her pardon, but had specifically said earlier, there was no hot water, and quite neglected to say was no cold either!
Hearing this, gas man further annoyed, said I had him on "right merry goose chase", and would think we'd check if water main was off. At this promptly demanded his 50 pounds, adding would not be coming back to "this bloody nut house" again. Positive shook with rage as handed over cheque for 50 pounds, and promptly showed him to door.
Once gone returned to Mrs Payne, and in much annoyance asked why she hadn't told me cold water was also off. Furious with reply,
"You didn't ask!".