Much aggrieved this morning, having enjoyed awfully good day yesterday in warmest of homes, to hear scream from bathroom at frightening volume, the likes would have quite done in someone of nervous disposition. Went to see the matter and most dismayed to see Mrs Payne leaving bathroom uttering familiar phrase, "Get the board!". By way of lightening situation, begged her pardon, but ironing board? Mrs Payne most annoyed at this, said in awfully cross mood was no hot water.
Furious at evidently shoddy workmanship regards boiler, and ringing gas man said had better jolly well appear presently or else. Thankfully this agreed to, and most pleased as had not jot of recourse regards the "else". As such now waiting on gas man at 10 o'clock.
Mrs Payne, now ever so practiced with regards to living in the elements, set about gathering things for warmth. Explained this altogether unnecessary had she not left front door open yesterday. This greeted with disgruntled silence.
Watched as Mrs Payne stalked house grumbling awfully, as first donned coat and hat, then dressing gown and tea cosy on head. Complained place was positively glacial, and retrieving further items from kitchen, proceeded to sit in arm chair, and pull pillow cases up legs. Further, pulling sheet of tin foil from dispenser, wrapped around legs. This quite inadequate, set about fashioning another sheet into cone shape, and neatly placed on head, rather like Tin Man, adding by way of explanation,
"READ ABOUT IT IN MY MAGAZINE! KEEPS THE HEAT IN!".
At this left pointy and silver topped gnome to her morning and set about work.