Lack of progress regards fence taking most badly by other half, said was not lump hammer's fault, rather,
"the lump in control of the bally hammer".
Found Mrs Payne this morning happily watering her seed pots. Reiterated this most ridiculous without any seeds, but in any case, could see about getting some later as visiting hardware shop to see about taking hammer back. This declared most unnecessary, as had already planted some seeds. Begged her pardon, but what had she planted?
By way of explanation, pointing to little pots, said first pots contained rather ripe grapes. Further, next pots contained banana. Begged her pardon, but whole? Mrs Payne most annoyed at this joke, said not to be fearful idiot, was sliced! Replied this most sensible.
Finally, said had popped one or two "coffee seeds" in. Begged her pardon, but my rather expensive coffee beans, hand roasted? Mrs Payne most excited by this, said to think, would never have to buy coffee again!
Had unfortunate task of explaining none of these items likely to grow, least of all coffee, as beans altogether cooked. This taken with much disappointment. Said in any case no bad thing, as put some coffee seeds in with banana, and combination banana coffee positively unthinkable. Further, did I know we had run out of coffee?