Friday, 13 April 2012

Day 135 - lunch

Positively delighted with quite enormous fish acquired yesterday, and all but forgot about fearful incident with neighbours by dinner time.  As such greeted Horseface and boss with much jollity and saw about getting them sherry, having already started.

All gratefully holding little sherry glasses, boss begged our pardon, but were we having some problems with garden of late?  Saw flower bed positively flattened, and flower stalks littering the place.  Further, thought it most unwise to grow plants on top of car.

At this Mrs Payne and I carefully set down sherry glasses and stalked to window.  Sighed awfully as saw several plants, evidently having been turned out of pots, carefully arranged on roof of car, with quantity of soil around them.  Positively furious at this, and against better judgement in front of company, gave Mrs Payne quite some sharp words regards this being her fault, and would be hanged if paying for damage to car myself.  Mrs Payne received this in silence, with face reddening by second.  Once finished Mrs Payne opened mouth, inhaled deeply, and such that for next door most probably audible, exclaimed loudly,

Other half sighed at this, exclaimed "oh, goodness!", and drank sherry with much rapidity.  Boss and Horseface sat rather open mouthed, and in utmost politeness, begged our pardon, but was something the matter?

Followed explanation as to mistake with fence and various aggravations following.  Mrs Payne sat, still shaking with anger, testifying these events true.  Once finished, boss looked at Horseface most solemnly, declaring,
"This is positively terrible.  I mean, we wouldn't want to live next to you either!".  At this Horseface and boss fell about laughing, said was quite funniest thing had ever heard, and events quite frightful.  Seeing other half rather withered by this and Mrs Payne awfully serious, said in hindsight was terribly sorry for trouble.  Proceeded to giggle for quite some minutes, asked for more sherry.  Other half said would check on dinner.

Whilst pouring most aggrieved that Mrs Payne slipped out, and before had time to distribute sherry glasses safely, heard quite some commentary from Horseface and boss at window, delighted by evening entertainment as Mrs Payne took handfuls of soil from car, liberally distributed amongst next door's rather expensive models, and scattered rest far and wide.  Evidently going too far, Mrs Payne took one plant, and as neighbour's front door opened promptly threw it in Mrs Uptight's face.  Following this, shouted with all her might,
"WAR!", before retreating to H.Q.

Joined events as Mrs Payne, quivering with excitement, tottered past window to back door, and declaring this most ridiculous, promptly shut curtains on Horseface and boss.  This taken with  much disappointment, was called a killjoy.

Mrs Payne regained lounge as other half did, with Mrs Payne terribly out of breath, and gasping by way of alibi,
"Terribly sorry, had to powder my nose!".
Before had even moment to respond to this in negative, heard fearfully loud knock at door, as all sat perfectly still, with Horseface uttering with concern,
"Oh, I say!".

Deciding this all too ridiculous, answered door, and saw Mr Uptight on door step looking rather displeased, and Mrs Uptight, much covered in soil against rather light coloured dress, positively furious.

Followed one or two words on doorstep as to getting terribly out of hand, and said was rather sorry for events myself, and would have quite some words with Mrs Payne.  Mr Uptight equally apologetic regarding their part.  During this both Uptights looking altogether passed me into lounge, with look of quite some curiosity on faces.  Finally had enough of this, and turning around, boss and Horseface said in unison in most jolly manner,
"Oh, hello!  Didn't know you'd moved!".
Boss in most calm manner declared were members of badminton club, further,
"Smith, do let them in!  You're letting in a draught!".

Quite stunned at this, but presently let them in.  Boss proved himself king amongst men, proceeded to patch up severed neighbours, liberally greased by means of sherry.  Finally, even Mrs Payne and Mrs Uptight calmed such that were chatting.  Other half said fish quite ready, and would they be so kind as to stay for dinner?  This duly agreed to, although Mrs Uptight excused to change dress with altogether less soil attached.  Mrs Payne said was terribly sorry at this.

Ended evening in most jolly mood.  Bound to say all in much agreement, particularly as to Mrs Payne's parsley butter.  Positively terrible.


  1. I only wish I could have checked 'positively hilarious' more than once!! Well done, Paul...worth waiting for! ;)

    1. Thanks Susan. Been pretty busy at the moment, so sorry for the tardiness!