Thursday, 24 May 2012

Special: Whatever did happen to the wooden floor?

Having made an earlier entry regards Mrs Payne positively ruining lounge floor, thought as this week have been frightfully busy and unable to post would follow up that story.

Whatever did happen to the wooden floor?

Was positively furious at Mrs Payne's question on where to start.  Replied was altogether her mess, and would be hanged if I was helping!  Mrs Payne most upset about this, said could barely be expected to do it herself, had been working awfully hard.  Thought Mrs Payne's existing hard work profoundly unproductive, as such said would jolly well do it myself.

Picked up a set of tiles and set about attempting to join them.  This altogether sensible in arrangement, as tiles had two adjacent sides the same.  As such fitted together in  diagonal arrangement.  Whilst concluding this Mrs Payne started moving tiles from armchair, begged my pardon, but could I help?  Promptly did so, asked what her strategy was.  At this Mrs Payne explained strategy was to sit down, at which hefted herself into armchair, saying with satisfaction,
"Oh, I say!  Have at it then, Robert!  I'll direct!".

Positively shook in anger at this, but attempted fitting some tiles together where quite certain they met around fireplace.  With each rotation received frustrated comment from Mrs Payne,
"The other way!  No not that way, the other other way!".

Pleased to say having quite ignored this Mrs Payne finally stopped, and in quite short succession had done quite some area.  Most pleased with this, told Mrs Payne was fearfully easy!  Mrs Payne most annoyed at this, said back was feeling rather better, as such would start herself.

Had quite some competition as started in each corner of room.  Occasionally would see Mrs Payne look over by way of assessing progress and begin working with renewed fury.  Said on a number of occasions,
"I say, this is terribly easy, Robert!  I hope you can keep up!".

Bound to say spent quite an hour in competition, and as such had covered three quarters of room by time other half came back.  Explained had been working in competition, made job terribly fun!  Showed halves of work, with neat line left empty in middle to designate boundary of work.  Other half very pleased with this, said was very proud on such progress.  Further, think we deserved cakes!

Cakes having been served, other half said she would see about finishing adjoining line and give workers time to rest.  Mrs Payne and I sat in kitchen, arguing about who had largest area, broken by mouthfuls of cake.

After some minutes other half came into kitchen, begged our pardon, but connecting tiles fearfully difficult!  Could we show how to do it?  At this Mrs Payne and I most pleased, said would be delighted, really took rather special skill and quite some practice.

Took hold of tile and explained to other half about edges, and need of correct orientation.  This duly understood, set about putting tile in place.  Realised with some annoyance this quite impossible, set tile in every orientation, would not fit!  At this Mrs Payne said was a fearful idiot, set about trying to fit it herself.  After some minutes of quiet annoyance, Mrs Payne admitted this altogether impossible, further, had clearly placed my tiles wrong!  Took quite some exception to this, said was terribly sorry, was quite obviously HER tiles wrong.  Other half interjected, begged our pardon, but was she correct that half tiles would have to be uplifted?  By way of answer, took up a tile and explained about groves, was really simple, see groves on this side and such, and rather different on other.  Was quite interrupted at this by other half, most annoyed, and said in rather sharp tone,
"Have you finished those cakes?".  Mrs Payne and I replied in negative, but would certainly get back to floor after finishing.  At this other half positively stormed into kitchen, and shouted in fearful rage,
"No cake for you!  And finish that bally floor!", at which proceed to shut kitchen door with quite some force, shook pile of tiles over.

Mrs Payne and I most taken back by this, looked at each other in quiet shock.  After some moments of looking between ourselves and floor, rather in disbelief at wasted work, Mrs Payne stooped down to inspect tiles she had laid more closely, said with rather curiosity,
"I say, Robert, some of mine have a little sticker.  Rather hard to read, they say  'B4CK'.  What do you suppose it means?".

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