Friday, 13 July 2012

Day 190 - lunch

Loaded biscuit tins into car Thursday evening, most inconvenient as car rather small. Had quantity in boot and piled them up around Mrs Payne on back seat. This taken most badly by Mrs Payne, had dressed up for occasion. Queried as benefactor, might they ask her to make a speech? Had prepared one in any case.

Bound to say event altogether jolly. Were greeted by Horseface and boss. Had talked to organiser, would be happy to put biscuits in raffle, but would have to be marked as "boobie prize" due to date. Mrs Payne most annoyed at this, said had cost her positively pounds only days ago! Query as to whether she would like to take them home met with silence, so tins were carried to prize table.

Tins duly positioned, drinks altogether deserved, as quite fearful carrying tins through crowd in smart clothes. Apologised on more than one occasion for jogging an elbow. Stood with our drinks rather near prize table, with Mrs Payne stood in much anger as several patrons said with amusement,
"Biscuits nearly out of date! What an 'orrible prize!".
Suggested we move away from prize table.

Some time passed as enjoyed our drinks, wandered around, and talked with Horseface and boss. Was quite ready to leave when announcement came that raffle would be drawn. Suggested to other half we might leave directly. Was certain Mrs Payne would be annoyed by further comments on prizes. Mrs Payne however quite unwilling to move, so stayed as prizes laboriously drawn.

The best prizes having been given away, announcement was made that "the moment you've all been waiting for" was here, and the boobie prizes would be drawn. At this room erupted into quite deafening boos. Mrs Payne positively shook with rage.

Took quite some time to give away the dozen tins, and were quite ready to go by the end. Saying our goodbyes to Horseface and boss, most surprised to hear over the crowd the raffle drawer saying,
"E. Payne. Elizabeth Payne. ELIZABETH PAYNE.".
Mrs Payne said with surprise,
"Oh! It's time for my speech!". Boss tried fearfully to stop Mrs Payne, but was quite out of hearing in moments as slowly tottered to the stage. Silence fell over the crowd as Mrs Payne donned her reading glasses and brought out her speech on back of envelope. Followed a few words of Mrs Payne's speech,
"When one hears of such an event as ...", at which prize drawer, most confused, stepped in, whispered something in Mrs Payne's ear, and with nervous smile, said to the crowd and Mrs Payne,
"Here's your biscuits! That's the last one folks!".

Mrs Payne returned through crowd to much staring, as slowly carried her newly won biscuits to our party. Bound to say were all fearfully embarrassed for Mrs Payne. Was quite beetroot in colour, positively shrank into the ground. Other half most annoyed, queried as to why mother had entered raffle! Mrs Payne said in defiance,
"There were some nice prizes!".

All stood in silence for some moments, apparently no one quite knowing what to say. At this, fellow patron came over, also holding a tin of biscuits, said to Mrs Payne with amusement,
"I see you've got some of these biscuits as well then! Short dated too! Have you seen the size? Who'd buy a tin of biscuits this size? It'll take a month to get through them! I'll probably just give them to my dog.".
Mrs Payne shook with annoyance through this, and upon completion of chap's complaint, Mrs Payne smiled rather, and saying not a word, quite stalked out of the place, as chap said with exasperation,
"What did I say?".

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