Thursday, 23 August 2012

Day 209

Finally stopped raining this morning, so stepped outside back door to see about abandoned cakes while Mrs Payne and other half still getting dressed. Bound to say sight quite woeful. Rain having seeped through box, sponge and icing had altogether dissolved, creating swirling rainbow of food colouring from decoration. Most curiously, sprinkles remained intact, no doubt attributed to some material of unearthly quality. Most annoyed at this as quite frightfully hard on teeth usually. Quite sure they survived to spite me.

Had quite a start as returned to kitchen having put cake box in bin as Mrs Payne appeared saying in one breath,
"Good morning might we try my bread this morning?".
Explained to other half, appearing moments later as to Mrs Payne's request. Altogether lacking energy, other half said sleepily,
"Oh. Lets.".
At this Mrs Payne most upset, said with some disdain,
"I say, I make some delicious bread, and you won't even give it the time of day! You wouldn't even try it yesterday, and it's certainly past its best!".

Other half and I tried fearfully to pacify Mrs Payne, said had been looking forward to it terribly! At this Mrs Payne's face brightened significantly, said with excitement,
"Let me cut some slices! If you like it I'll make sandwiches! I'm positively certain you'll like it! I want your honest opinion!".

As Mrs Payne sliced bread, other half and I looked on with some concern. Slices appeared altogether normal, withstanding odd black chunks, rather as pieces of nut, but black as coal. Inspected bread closely on my breakfast plate, as did other half, making some excavations with tip of knife, both of us looking up nervously to find Mrs Payne surveying us. Other half said quickly as she spread some butter,
"Mmm! Looks delicious!".

Butter having been applied liberally, other half and I bit the bullet, both figuratively, and seemingly, literally. Found bread frightfully hard, making Mrs Payne's earlier attempt seem positively soft in comparison. Once through the exterior, found what assumed to be black elements frightfully sticky, with quite horrible taste of liquorice. Throughout quite fearful endeavour of single bite, had quite odd taste of acrid iced cream. This duly explained by Mrs Payne as we continued our sampling,
"Can you taste the vanilla? I was adding a drop, but the bottle came out of my hands and landed in the ingredients! Slippery devil!".

Looked at other half awfully seriously as we finished our bite, and opening my mouth to speak, found only one word,
"Well,", before trailing off rather. At this other half continued quickly,
"Oh, I agree! Very much so!", at which I added,
"Certainly! Yes, much the same!". Mrs Payne looked altogether curious at this, furrowed brow rather, and said brightly,
"As I thought!", adding after moment,
"You haven't found the lid for the vanilla essence I assume?".

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