Had quite jolliest of weekends. Mrs Payne locked herself in dining room to write book, venturing out only for meals and to complain could not read her own handwriting, asking with some annoyance what might this word be. Other half and I baffled as to words, entire sentences quite cryptic. Asked regards progress, at which Mrs Payne said was going terribly well! By the by, Internet not working.
Sunday evening, Mrs Payne most ecstatic as I knocked on dining room door asking if she would like sherry. Exclaimed with much pride had just this moment finished her novel! Asked if I could print it such that other half and I might read it? At this Mrs Payne most nervous, said with concern,
"Certainly. Don't you find characters remind one of oneself though!" Replied to this I rather thought not. At this Mrs Payne said gravely,
Other half and I held our copies of Mrs Payne's novel, looking at each other rather despondently.
"I printed two copies, and hang the expense!" I said, as other half positively choked with laughter on her sherry. Fanning the ten unbound pages, said to Mrs Payne carefully,
"Is it rather short for a novel?" Mrs Payne most affronted by this, declared printer must have missed pages. Handing my copy to Mrs Payne, she rummaged through it with annoyance, as other half said kindly,
"Well, they are big pages! How many words are there?" Mrs Payne rather calmed by this, said brightly,
"Oh, positively millions!"
My copy having been returned, I read the cover page again:
"INSPECTOR ELIZA POON
IN THE CASE OF
"THE SON-IN-LAW'S DISAPPEARANCE"
Continued to first page as other half did the same, saying with concern,
"Oh look, it's all in capitals."
"Oh yes" Mrs Payne said with interest "I found how to turn that off though, so it's only the first half."