Friday, 21 December 2012

Diary 240

Most excited to receive delivery of Christmas goose.  Other half already off for Christmas, so all eagerly awaited knock at door.

Was mid-morning as received knock at door.  Went downstairs to find other half having paid the boy and sent him on his way, goose carefully placed on doorstep.  Most surprised to have other half fearfully annoyed, exclaiming,
"Look at the size of the bally thing!  I can't even lift it!"
Said this positive nonsense, set about taking it into kitchen.  Bound to say was some truth in other half's evaluation on account of awfully painful back.

Goose having been set on table, all gathered around to admire it, although other half rather more of scorn than admiration.  Other half said again in annoyance,
"Look at the size!"  Admitted it was rather large, though was sure it would be delicious.  Looking at the bird from some angles, Mrs Payne said with disappointment,
"I thought it would be bigger."

Other half altogether lacking in Christmas spirit said would have to see if it would fit in oven.  At this with quite some pain I placed on largest baking tray.  Mrs Payne most excited as carefully placed the tray into the oven, saying with satisfaction,
"Perfect!"
Was silent for quite some moments as sought words to confront this, saying finally with slow aggravation,
"We can't shut the oven door!"  Goose gregariously poking itself out of oven, Mrs Payne thought would give some encouragement, attempting to shut oven door herself, saying with surprise,
"I say!  The oven's too small!"
At this was terribly angry, saying at some volume,
"It's not the oven that's too small!  It's the goose is too big!" adding after some moments, "I thought you said you knew about geese?"
Mrs Payne most affronted at this, exclaimed defiantly,
"I do know about gooses!  I never said I knew about ovens!"

Goose having been returned to table, each of us turned to stare at fridge door, evidently with same thought.  By way of defence, Mrs Payne exclaimed in annoyance,
"I never said I knew about fridges either!"

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