Spent yesterday looking for receipt for toaster. Most annoyed as this wholly unsuccessful. Queried location with other half when home, at which was told she did not have faintest idea where I had put it. Declared "I" had not put it anywhere! This taken altogether badly, said would be telling Father Christmas I was ungrateful.
This morning, telephoned toaster customer services after mid-morning tea to see about toaster. Sat in office for quite some minutes with fearful on-hold music. Had quite finished tea by time someone answered, however music persisted, as heard over it,
"Hello, Operator? Please connect me to Marks' and Sparks'."
Bound to say was most annoyed at this, said over the music,
"Mrs Payne, I'm on the telephone!" Mrs Payne altogether unaware both telephones on same line, continued,
"Yes, it's Mrs Payne. How did you know it was me! I say, Operator, might you turn down that music?" and at deafening volume, added "MARKS' AND SPARKS' PLEASE, OPERATOR."
Positively furious holding telephone, could not very well go downstairs as was certain shop to answer at any moment, and had waited some 20 minutes. As such continued on telephone,
"Mrs Payne, it's Robert. Please can you use the telephone later?" Much annoyed as Mrs Payne replied at volume,
"Oh, hello Robert! I didn't know you worked for General Post Office now. I do wish you'd put me through to Marks' and Sparks'." Before had time to reply, most aggravated as customer services answered, with young lady chirping as music ceased,
"Hello, Fletchers! How can I help!" At this Mrs Payne jumped in with some annoyance,
"I don't want Fletchers! That fearful idiot!"
Quickly responded, saying with slow annoyance that I was upstairs on telephone, might she put down her telephone, was calling Fletchers about toaster. At this Mrs Payne altogether impressed, said was terribly clever GPO could do such a thing, querying as customer service girl cleared her throat,
"Can two people use the telephone at the same time?" Replied slowly,
"Yes, that's what we're doing, now." Mrs Payne evidently most pleased with this, exclaimed,
"How clever!", her telephone proceeding to emit several tones, at which she said in best telephone voice,
"Hello, Operator? Marks' and Sparks', please."
Customer service girl evidently much amused, giggled rather as I said furiously,
"We can't call different people!"
"I shall have to order my smalls later" Mrs Payne said with disappointment. Quite flabbergasted as Mrs Payne continued,
"About this toaster, young lady. I jammed a screwdriver in it and it was working fine. Then Robert took it downstairs and blew the whole house up! Isn't that right, Robert. By the by, I didn't see it myself as I was on the lavatory. Do you read Prima, young lady?"
Bound to say had quite enough, explained as calmly as possible regards Mrs Payne putting down telephone, at which eventually relinquished, saying as she hung up,
"Lovely to speak with you, young lady. Robert, see if they'll give you a new screwdriver too, that one is fearfully black now. Good-bye."
Apologised profusely regards Mrs Payne, at which customer service girl altogether understanding, saying with concern,
"Is your wife getting on a bit?"
Decided I would call back another time.