Back to work today, as such prepared myself by means of toast this morning. Most frightful as toaster popped, only to see bread looking altogether same as went in. Exclaimed to other half with disappointment that toaster had not toasted the toast, at which other half most scornful, said with quite fearful pedantry did not expect it to toast toast, it toasted bread. Other half added not to set fire alarm off either, mother still sleeping. Most exasperated at this, said could not set fire alarm off if I tried! This quite ignored, other half said as went to work hoped I had not broke toaster already. Thought this terribly rough.
Most disappointed to find not a jot of life in toaster, despite quite some time spent working the knobs and levers. Further provided quite some verbal discourse regards it being a fearful item, regards it should jolly well work immediately or face consequences. Toaster took not a bit of notice of this, facing me with consequences of not a crumb of toast, except following rather vigorous shaking, at which quite flurry of crumbs landed on slippers and floor. Shook crumbs off slippers, at which promptly stubbed toe.
Positively furious as hopped about having to clean crumbs, then set about finding old toaster. This quite absent from where had left it in garage. Fearfully late for work so decided upon bread and butter instead. Discovered this quite impossible as butter had altogether disappeared also. Further to list of missing items, saw not a glimpse of Mrs Payne at breakfast, and upon aggravated knocking on bedroom door, exclaimed through door was "not expecting visitors". Most annoyed at this, and rather thought I smelled toast.