"It's not me!"
Bound to say old toaster committed to bin by way of discouragement from further electrical disasters. Went into town this morning to see about returning new toaster, also defunct. Most annoyed as quite awful rain at moment, so stalked across town to shop other half had specified, inevitably saw Horseface in doing so. Stood in rain clutching toaster, as could not hold umbrella at same time, as Horseface in quite jolliest of moods with galoshes and umbrella, quite dry, as queried, by the by, was I taking my toaster for a walk? Ever so convenient for a snack on the move! Explained rather wasn't, was taking it back, fearful item, further might I get going, toaster getting rather wet. At this Horseface said with much amusement I was a "silly sausage", why had I not put it in the box or a bag? Replied in annoyed terseness, hadn't the box, too big for bag, good day. Stalked off as Horseface shouted after me,
"I'll be in the coffee shop! Good day! Oh! You're dragging the plug! The plug!"
Got to shop in fearful mood, and stood in queue for returns holding my toaster rather as a concerned pet owner in a veterinary. This further not helped as reached front of queue, and placing somewhat wet toaster on counter, shop assistant queried in amusement,
"What's wrong with him?" Quite ignored this, said rather seriously I should like to return it, wasn't toasting the toast. At this assistant frowned rather, looked at the item, and said carelessly,
"Toasters toast bread." Bound to say was quite furious at this, stood in silent annoyance, before repeating rather slowly, I should like to return it. Assistant looked the item over, declaring it a "bit wet" and further identifying had scuffed plug. Explained this quite unavoidable, at which assistant shrugged, said brightly,
Thought quite deserved coffee after experience in shop, so met Horseface despite better judgement. Horseface quite delighted, exclaiming loudly,
"I see you've brought Mr Toaster! Hello, Mr Toaster!" Most annoyed as plonked the fearful item down as number of patrons looked around and quite certain heard 'Mr Toaster!' murmured in amusement. Explained as drank coffee that shop unwilling to return the toaster as had not the receipt. Horseface altogether sympathetic, saying it quite an outrage, adding nonchalantly,
"I say, Robert, you haven't some bread have you? There's a plug socket over there and I rather fancy some toast!" Quite ignored this, said had best be going, at which Horseface said in delight such that all could hear,
"Remember, to get home, just follow the trail of breadcrumbs!" Stalked out into the rain in annoyance dragging plug behind me.