My camera having been carefully put away, bound to say most tiresome that Mrs Payne's still positively glued to hand. Said rather sharply over dinner last night as to not taking photographs of me. Mrs Payne most indignant at this, declared me quite terrible subject, in any event, was taking photograph of soup.
Having both rather shunned Mrs Payne's offer to view soup photograph, other half said by way of recompense could perhaps look at photographs on television later! Had taken a few photographs rather pleased with myself, so declared this a capital idea. Mrs Payne altogether ignored this whilst taking photograph of soup from different angle.
Thought it altogether wise to view my photographs first such that did not outshine Mrs Payne's photographs later, certain to be inferior. Grovelled behind television such that could find suitable slot, only to find it on front of television, got quite fearful amount of dust on trousers. Positively furious as Mrs Payne promptly took photograph. Declared if she wanted sherry, will jolly well put camera down. At this Mrs Payne petulantly took enough photograph directly at me, exclaiming with surprise,
"I say, Robert, you do look angry!" Said nothing to this, at which Mrs Payne carefully put down camera, venturing,
Dimmed the lights rather as loaded my photographs. Mrs Payne most annoyed at this, saying in annoyance,
"I can't see my sherry! We're not at the cinema!"
Quite ignored this as my first photograph came up, most pleased with photograph of our table lamp. Bound to say was rather disappointed as heard not a word from other half or Mrs Payne. Queried as to their opinions, at which Mrs Payne started rather, said was terribly sorry, had her eyes closed. Other half looked rather cockeyed at television, queried slowly,
"Is it supposed to be out of focus?"
Followed quite some display of nonchalance towards my photographs, as heard comments as to "that one's out of focus too", "was that a test shot?" and "I can't tell what it is". Was quite thankful in only having a couple of dozen photographs or would have been driven to top myself.
Mrs Payne altogether more awake for her showing, said with concern as took fearfully long to load photographs that she hoped one or two would be in focus. Scoffed over my sherry rather as first photograph came up of flowers in vase, terribly cliche. Most taken back as other half exclaimed brightly,
"Oh, I say, lovely! And pin sharp! Isn't it lovely, Robert?" with Mrs Payne adding,
"And pin sharp!"
Followed quite animation of flowers in vase, Mrs Payne evidently circling the fearful subject whilst photographing manically. This continued for numerous subjects, each consisting more photographs than I had taken total. Other half most gracious in saying the ones that were lovely, with Mrs Payne exclaiming frequently,
"And pin sharp!"
Bound to say was most aggrieved as came across photograph of me almost poking eye out. Declared with quite some annoyance that should jolly well delete it. Glared rather as Mrs Payne exclaimed,
"And pin.." before thinking better of it.
Further photographs followed in equal quantity as previous, bound to say was terribly bored, with my critique most unwelcome by Mrs Payne. Said with defiant amusement would like to see me do better!
Photography viewing ended on recent photograph of me looking terribly annoyed, frozen on screen as other half said mother's photographs were delightful. Turned lights back on, at which other half said in amusement,
"Oh, Robert, you should see your face! You look like that time you dropped your ice cream in Whitby!" and pointing at television, added "that's what you look like now!" Grumbled rather as asked if anyone would like another sherry. Other said kindly was sure I would learn my camera soon, and yes, she rather would.
Recommend this on Medium.