Came downstairs yesterday evening to find Mrs Payne wearing new dress and her hat, altogether floral in pattern, and bound to say would be excellent camouflage for village flower show. Most pleased, Mrs Payne exclaimed in delight,
"Do you like my dress, is fits perfectly!" Found it rather bright, and said as much, was quite furious as promptly stubbed toe on Mrs Payne's parcel. Nursed toe as asked why box so heavy, Mrs Payne exclaiming defiantly,
"That's what you get for not liking my dress!" adding, by the by, those were the other 17 dresses.
Other half soon came in from work, saying with concern,
"It's like summer has arrived already, I think I need my sunglasses." Explained you got used to it after a time. Mrs Payne most displeased.
Bound to say other half most displeased at box of dresses, declared us "not opening a bally dress shop!" I investigated box, quite pile of flowery fabric. Most surprised as saw the error, "Qty: 18" upon delivery note. Seeing error, asked Mrs Payne carefully as to her size. At this Mrs Payne exclaimed indignantly,
"How rude! I shan't say!" Explained if hypothetically dress size was 18, had perhaps put that into quantity? At this Mrs Payne rather illuminated, replied,
"I think I did. Hypothetically, you understand." Declared I did understand.
Most annoyed after dinner as found Mrs Payne casting dresses all which way, explaining in rather a fit,
"Some have a better pattern than others! I shall have to try them all!"
At this other half unfortunately remembered regards my trousers, at which reluctantly said would try them on. Came downstairs to lounge most disappointed as trousers altogether too short, barely reaching to ankle, said they looked quite alright in shop. Other half positively rolled around laughing, Mrs Payne took moment from fretting over patterns to join in, exclaiming triumphantly,
"I thought you tried them on!" Explained, by the by, had not tried them on, but had given them a fearfully good looking at.
Stalked upstairs as laughter continued, heard several exclamations "golf!" and "circus!" as took them off. Came downstairs to find other half terribly sorry for laughing, at which positively popped with laughter as asked had I got a red nose too. Declared I hadn't, roughly piling trousers beside sofa. Mrs Payne exclaimed in annoyance,
"Be careful of my dresses!" adding with amusement, "perhaps a dress would fit better!" Other half quite raucous with laughter at this, as explained I was "not that quantity" at which Mrs Payne added seriously,
Declared I needed a sherry.
Recommend this on Medium.