Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Day 263

Bound to say other half most displeased last night regards Mrs Payne's motorcar.  Declared it "bally folly", further added I could drive her anywhere she wished to go.  Rather started at this, declared was not a taxi service.  Mrs Payne explained she should not like to travel in such an unsound motor anyway, not when she would have her convertible on Friday!  Had only to sign paperwork and be away!  Other half altogether changed tune at this, explained had anyways wanted convertible.  Might she have the first ride?  Would take Friday off especially!  Other half adding with emphasis someone too much of miser for convertible.  Thought this decided rough.

Found Mrs Payne up early this morning, having arranged refresher driving lesson.  Came into kitchen as Mrs Payne exclaimed loudly,
"Get out of my way, Robert!  Parp!  Parp!"
Most annoyed at this, queried did she have to rearrange kitchen chairs, at which explained was practicing driving.  Declared wearily this most ridiculous, by the by, could I have washing up bowl back?  Mrs Payne handed washing up bowl, saying with disappointment,
"That was the steering wheel."

Heard knock at front door mid-morning, and went down to find driving instructor quite as old as Mrs Payne upon door step.  Thought it terribly amusing as shouted to Mrs Payne,
"I say, your date is here!"  Mrs Payne bustled to front door, saying with annoyance,
"Don't mind him, here's a fearful idiot."

Watched out of front door for quite some minutes as driving instructor familiarised Mrs Payne with motorcar, this apparently taking quite some minutes regards adjusting seat to fit Mrs Payne's posterior.  Evidently quite ignoring instructor, Mrs Payne wound down passenger window, and shouting past instructor, exclaimed to Mrs Uptight walking past,
"I'm a motorist!" and honked horn such that Mrs Uptight quite jumped out of skin.  Bound to say both instructor and Mrs Uptight positively furious at this, apparently having quite some words, Mrs Payne looking rather more serious thereafter.

Mrs Payne finally started car, waved with delight as shouted in my direction,
"Chocks away!"  Promptly stalled car.  Followed quite some annoyed discussion, and having decided had watched enough, closed door as heard Mrs Payne say in loud annoyance,
"How was I to know the handbrake was on!  Can't you do that!"

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