Thursday, 7 March 2013

Day 264

Positively furious this morning as went into town for coffee.  Set off with Mrs Payne, despite being quite adamant as to not buying cake.  Mrs Payne declared concerned not a jot for cake, was buying driving gloves and scarf for new motor.  Bound to say received quite avalanche of suggestions regards driving.  Stared ahead in furious silence as Mrs Payne uttered in succession "move over a bit", "watch out for the traffic lights", by the by, were green, and as Mrs Payne gave rather fearful tug on seat belt, declared rather gravely,
"I dare say this may fall apart at any moment. This motor will be the end of us."

Declared in much annoyance as to whether Mrs Payne would like to drive, and positively furious as Mrs Payne declared nonchalantly,
"I dare say I would do better."  At this quite pulled over, as said with much aggravation,
"Be my guest!"  At this got out of car, any to much surprise, bid Mrs Payne to driver's seat.

Bound to say Mrs Payne's driving fearfully slow, looked at speedometer to find was doing barely a jot above 20 miles per hour, in 2nd gear all the while.  Exclaimed as to 3rd gear being ever so useful, at which Mrs Payne said superiorly,
"Slow and steady wins the race."  Thought it must be decidedly slow race.

Most shocked a while later as Mrs Payne exclaimed as looked in rear view mirror,
"Oh no!  The police!"  Looked behind to see blue flashing lights and some gesturing as to pulling over. Suggested spot to Mrs Payne, at which said frantically,
"I can lose him!"  At this car jerked forward as Mrs Payne put "pedal to the metal", car revving fearfully as Mrs Payne repeated,
"I can lose him!"  Found this quite frightful as exclaimed loudly,
"Change gear!"

Positively barrelling along at 30 miles per hour, Mrs Payne asked nervously,
"Did we lose him?"  Declared we hadn't, suggested she might pull over.  Mrs Payne most furious at this, did so in lay-by, saying nervously as stared straight ahead,
"Just act natural."  Had just finished exclaiming "What the devil!" as policeman knocked on driver's window.  At this Mrs Payne fumbled for window switch, promptly winding down my window as said through glass,
"Is there a problem, officer?"  Most annoyed at this, Mrs Payne tried again, cleared her throat as window descended, repeating loudly,
"Is there a problem, officer?"
Officer evidently most displeased at this, said with annoyance,
"No need to shout, madam.  Licence please."
Rummaging through bag Mrs Payne exclaimed nervously "Oh, I say!" and finding the item she desired, held hand out of window, querying optimistically,
"Wine gum?"

Wine gum having been declined, Mrs Payne provided driving licence, and all being well was given quite some dressing down as to "not making progress".  This Mrs Payne took altogether seriously, declaring "Yes, officer" in correct places.  Once this completed officer bid us safe driving, left Mrs Payne thoughtfully chewing wine gum.  Most pleased as Mrs Payne said after some moments,
"Would you like to drive, Robert?" adding with some annoyance,
"What a fearful motorcar."

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