Friday, 15 March 2013

Day 270

Explained to other half rather gravely before dinner had some terribly bad news.  Was walking at lunch and imagine horror as step counter slipped off belt, promptly smashed into million pieces.  Mrs Payne coughed rather at this, added superiorly,
"I should have been more careful, Robert."  Other half most annoyed, said was quite outrage to sell such flimsy item, shall return it immediately!  Positively had heart attack as Mrs Payne exclaimed indignantly,
"You should!"

Bound to say quite horrifying as explained truth of what had happened, other half listening intently, before saying with some exasperation,
"I don't know who's worse, the organ grinder, or the monkey!"  Mrs Payne exclaiming with some annoyance,
"I say!  I hope I'm the organ grinder!"

Suggested by way of distraction I might weigh myself, was positively sure to have lost weight!  Thought this rather brilliant as was sure to secure dessert, quite deserved despite fearful step counter.  Tripped upstairs to check scales, only to come down several moments later with much disappointment.  Explained with dismay weighed exactly the same.  Could not understand it!  Other half rather disappointed with this, said I had been very good, before declaring kindly,
"Best not have dessert, dear."

Ate dinner with terrible disappointment whilst Mrs Payne mused as to how delicious dessert was going to be.  Bound to say other half disappointed also, saying with optimism,
"I say, you don't think those fearful old scales are wrong, do you?"  Declared instantly I thought they were.  Bound to say was most surprised as Mrs Payne explained nonchalantly,
"Oh yes, those scales are fearful.  My weight was all wrong so I stuck a hat pin in the innards."  Other half and I looked at each other as begged her pardon, what had she done?  As continued eating Mrs Payne repeated,
"I stuck a hat pin in the bottom.  It had me weighing positively stones more than I should!  So I fixed it so I was 12 stone.  They're quite right now.  What's for dessert?"  At this other half said were having sponge pudding, before exclaiming,
"You haven't weighed 12 stone since you were my age!"  Mrs Payne declared indignantly this positive nonsense, by the by, was there extra dessert going begging?  Most amused as other half exclaimed,
"You're not having any!" and before mother had a moment to respond, added loudly,
"Rations!"

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