Monday, 1 April 2013

Day 277

Mrs Payne most pleased with working smartphone.  Explained regards applications, found one ever so useful could lookup restaurant reviews!  As such Mrs Payne spent much of evening carefully scrutinising reviews, uttering "oh, I say!" and further recommending quantity of places to visit, exclaiming numerously,
"This place has 4 stars!  Oh, it's in Bournemouth" after which adding optimistically,
"Can we go?"

Suggested visiting coffee shop this morning, at which Mrs Payne said would be delighted.  Inevitably saw Horseface waving through window, and as went for door Mrs Payne positively barred entry, saying carefully,
"Wait a minute."  At this Mrs Payne pulled smartphone from hangbag, by the by, still attached to charging cable, duly explained as "I might need to charge it later", at which said slowly as began working the item,
"Let's see what Sally says."  Begged her pardon, had she named telephone 'Sally'?  Mrs Payne carelessly answering in the affirmative, as continued, saying after some moments,
"This place is no good.  3.5 stars!"  At this Mrs Payne mouthed to Horseface
"Three .. point .. five .. stars" gesturing as to leave.  Horseface promptly came outside, querying as to the problem, at which Mrs Payne explained regards fearful reviews, was sure to be shut down any day.  Horseface most disappointed, exclaimed with concern,
"But, my coffee.." at which Mrs Payne replied brightly,
"It was probably revolting!  Not to worry, Sally will take us somewhere nice."  At this Mrs Payne tottered off as Horseface queried gravely,

Most annoyed as slowly walked behind Mrs Payne, was sure place to be on This or That Street, or Somethington Road.  Eventually came across what bound to say fearful looking place down backstreet, at which Mrs Payne carelessly entered, saying optimistically,
"Four stars!"  Sat down, and bound to say stars certainly not awarded for cleanliness.  Mrs Payne promptly asked disgruntled-looking shop owner if he might clean the table, adding in a hushed tone,
"It says they have excellent customer service!"  At this shop owner dragged dirty looking cloth over table and silently left us with menus as Mrs Payne exclaimed brightly,
"Much better!" before adding with concern, "no, still sticky."

Duly ordered, at which Mrs Payne had coffee and cake.  Horseface queried regards latte, at which shop owner said tersely,
"We've got black or white.  Help yourself to sugar."  At this Horseface replied politely would have white please, which repeated myself.  Chatted whilst waiting, Horseface clutching handbag all the while as Mrs Payne looked around grotty shop, marvelling on occasion,
"I say, four stars."

Explained predicament on account of Mrs Payne's review application, at which Horseface most displeased.  Clutched handbag firmly as said in hushed fury,
"I wouldn't give this place one star!"  Queried whether should leave review ourselves on account of doing our public duty by way of warning.  At this Mrs Payne delighted, exclaimed with excitement,
"I can be a restaurant critic!"  Horseface queried in quiet annoyance what would she give this particular shop, at which Mrs Payne thought rather, saying with concern,
"Well Sally says four stars, but I'll knock a star off" adding as carefully forked her cake,
"I think this cake was made during the Crimean war."

Presently left shop, with saving grace that it was fearfully cheap.  Most annoyed as Mrs Payne again consulted "Sally smartphone", at which declared had given quite enough bad advice today, thank you very much.  Mrs Payne most displeased at this, said Sally was quite accurate, reading verbatim,
"The Silver Spoon, four stars."  Horseface positively furious as looked up at sign, exclaimed loudly,
"This place is the Fork & Spoon!"  At this Mrs Payne looked up from Sally in confusion, peered around rather as said with surprise,
"Oh look, across the street, The Silver Spoon is over there!  Oh, doesn't it look nice!"  Horseface and I both silent in annoyance as Mrs Payne exclaimed,
"I say, I think we went to the wrong one!" before adding gravely, "oh dear.. two stars."

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